Lowbrow dinner conversation

I came home to find a puddle of water near the fridge. The dog looked guilty, but he always does. I think he does obscene dog things when I'm gone. But that's off topic.
I investigated the puddle to determine if Mak deserved my disapproving glare and angry tone. He was safe. The water was coming from the fridge.
Apparently, the temperature difference from the freezer section to the refrigerator section was causing condensation to form. So I did the obvious thing and cranked up the cold for the bottom part. To 9.
Everything in my fridge froze.

So I had to go out for lunch today.
I go to Burger King and order the tendercrisp bacon cheddar ranch. I've been wanting one ever since I saw Hootie shamefully whoring himself out in that commercial. Poor Hootie. He must be sucking dick for beer money in his spare time.
It takes the elderly lady behind the cash register a solid 10 minutes to get my order. Then I paid with a credit card just to piss off the people in line behind me.
Only about 10 minutes left for lunch, so I decide to eat at my desk where I won't be bothered.
Finally get back to the desk and open the bag. It's a double meat jalapeno cheeseburger.
Damn. Oh well, I ate it anway. I like jalapenos, but you know how shitty that is to get your stomach all stoked up for some bacon cheddar goodness and disappoint.
My stomach would have the last laugh.

I attempted to make a soup for supper. It consisted of tomatoes, green beans, corn, onions, and hot deer sausage spiced up with Tony Chachere's cajun seasoning and Cavender's greek seasoning. Tasted great going in. Hurt like hell coming out.
I threw it out because it caused dehydration and ass chap. It really did taste good, though.

My favorite recipe to make is bacon wraps. It can be made with any type of game (deer, chicken, shrimp, etc.) but the best is dove breast.
Skewer a piece of onion on a toothpick.
Then add half of the dove breast.
Next comes a slice of jalapeno and some philadelphia cream cheese.
Sandwich these together with the other half of dove breast.
Wrap the entire thing in bacon and marinate in italian salad dressing.
Grill and enjoy. It's amazingly good. The preparation is a bitch, so it's best to get some friends to help by forming an assembly line.

Big E was a crazy old bastard who frequented my bar in college. He was a great cook. Worked on off-shore drilling rigs when the BBQ cookoff circuit was in it's slow season. He told me about a cookoff in Louisiana that he won with an interesting trio of dishes.
The first was a sausage stuffed zuchini dish.
The second was a boudain stuffed pork loin.
But the best was this roasted squaw dish.
"What the hell is squaw?", I asked.
"Pigeon", he says.
Pigeons.
Why not just eat neutria rat.