Good to go

I finally fed Mak last night. Dude was starving. He took a good solid poop this morning. He's going to be just fine.

Tough little bastard

I had to use a new vet when Mak got sick. We won't be going back.
I went to pick him up after work Tuesday and the vet was still very concerned.
He didn't know exactly what was wrong, but was very strongly leaning towards some kind of hemorraging in his gastro-intestinal tract. Well, no duh. He's shitting blood. You went to school for 8 years to tell me there's something wrong with his GI tract? Genius. Must be an Aggie.
He wanted me to take him to an emergency clinic for overnight treatment. So I asked what the overnight treatment was.
"They'll put an IV in, monitor him, and keep him off solid foods for a day or two," he says.
"Well, just leave the IV in and I can do the same thing at home," I says.
"But it just makes me nervous to know he's going home without us knowing exactly what's wrong with him."
"You just said you're pretty sure it's a GI tract problem. and the treatment for that is antibiotics, which you've already administered, an IV drip, and no food for a few days..."
"Yes."
"So leave the catheter in, give me the IV bag I just paid $60 for and let me take him home."
"But I'm worried about his mental state. He seems so depressed."
"He's a schnauzer and he's sick. That breed is super loyal and gets depressed when their owners aren't around. Bring him out to me and watch how much he perks up."

So maybe it didn't go exactly like that, but it was close. Mak came out and immediately started wagging his tail. Then I took him home and laid him down. I set up the IV and ran it all night. I set my alarm to go off every 2 hours so I could check on him.
No more vomit. No more bloody diarrhea.
He's fine. Thank the Lord.

Man down

As I was giving the new sheets a test run last night, Mak threw up. I mean BIG throw up. Right by the door. So I cleaned it up a little and put him in the kitchen.
I fell back asleep and was having an awesome dream. Something about a brown haired girl with dark black eyes....
and I was awakened by Mak wretching in the kitchen. When I turned on the light, I saw that it wasn't just puke. He'd shit in there too.
He's usually really good about holding it in, so I got a little worried. I took him for a walk and cleaned up the kitchen.
When I left for work, he was sleeping in the corner and didn't seem too bad. So I decided to leave him there and just come check on him again at lunch.
When I walked in the house at lunch time the smell was awful. He'd puked two more times and taken a nasty poop. There was blood.
He's at the vet now. I'm trying not to freak out but this could be bad. I'm worried.

Nice

The things I received for Christmas:
thermal underwear, socks, boxers, boxer briefs, and pajama pants (I actually asked for them this time)
600 count sheets (really comfortable)
Lyle Lovett - Live In TEXAS (awesome)
Tombstone (a favorite that I did not own)
Forrest Gump (same as above)
Norelco beard trimmer (needed it for the Chuck Norris manbeard I'm working on)
camouflage Dallas Cowboys hat (words don't do it justice)
one of those big luggage bags for hanging clothes (hope I need it)
Wolverine work boots (definitely needed them)
Nike softball cleats (another necessary piece of equipment)
Nike batting gloves (really nice)
fishing lures (hope I get to use them)
coffee cup warmer (I'll probably never use it)
a bag of bathroom stuff - razors, shaving gel, etc. (always good to have)
a bunch of gift cards (Academy, Wal-Mart, Old Navy, etc.)
and the best one... a new girlfriend
She's black and it looks like she's been around the block a few times, but I love her.
She's a Dell Inspiron 1200. My aunt found her at the pawn shop.
It was a good Christmas. More to come...

Livin large

I had another kickass weekend. Played poker Friday night at Al's big ass house (I lost). Checked out his fine ass wife with her big ass titties. Then watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith on his big ass widescreen plasma TV in their media room (that movie is garbage). Al's wife is hot, his bankroll is fat, and he drives a Cadillac. I'm not jealous of Al. really. not at all.

Saturday night I went to a Christmas party with the neighbors, Candace and Jose. The party was at a friend of Candace's mom's mansion in Southlake. I was the tagalong. Just someone to keep Jose company around the snooty rich folk.
The house was amazing. When we pulled up they hade a valet. A motherfuckin' valet! at a house party! Rich people...
Then we get inside the house and they have a full spread of food. BBQ, seafood, fruit, chocolate covered strawberries, dips, you name it they had it.
They also had an OPEN BAR. That's right. Free booze. they even hired a bartender.
So I mingled with the hired help and flipped through the channels on the massive big screen for a while. Bartender dude was pretty cool and he knew how to hook up a Crown and coke.
Then Jose says we should check out the rest of the house. He showed me the pool and outdoor fireplace. There were flat screens all over the place! He even knew about some secret office shit where you push the bookshelf in and a door swings open. Very fuckin' cool.
Then we headed upstairs to the gameroom and I damn near spooged in my drawers.
Not only did they have a clean ass pool table AND a shuffleboard. They had the ultimate game room accessory..... GOLDEN TEE 2005!!!!!!!!!
I only left the game room to refresh my beverage and check up on the Heisman Awards ceremony. I was that random guy that no one knew who showed up just for the free booze and entertainment. Good times.

I had extra tickets to the Cowboys game on Sunday so I invited my old college roommate and his friend to come along. We had a blast.
The game was exciting and they bought me beers to pay back for the tickets.
When the KC kicker missed the field goal at the end, I could've caught the ball. If the net hadn't been there, that is.
I think that's retarded. The NFL should take those nets down and let the fans have a cool souvenior, like in baseball.

The Case of the Missing Cock Pump

Every year around this time a group of my friends from college, fraternity brothers, and other associates gets together for a big Christmas party. We always have it at FIS's house. There's always lots of booze and [internet edit]. Everyone brings a gift and puts it under the tree. Later in the evening we draw numbers and do the whole White Elephant thing.
Some of the gifts from this year were:
a statue of a little boy that pisses out liquor. My gift. It's classy.
Poker chips. (What I ended up with)
An ATARI! ( I really wanted that one)
A T-Shirt that read "I went to the X-Mas Party and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"
A bottle of Jagermeister
A flashlight

But the craziest gift of all was the one that WhiteBoy brought. We'd been talking about it for weeks. He brought..... A COCKPUMP.
Y'know... a Swedish penis enlarger. A glass schlong extender.
It was going to be the most sought after gift at the party. Everyone could use one, right? Male or female.

However, the cockpump didn't make it to the White Elephant exchange. Someone stole it from under the tree when no one was looking.
I don't know who stole it, but it wasn't me. Honestly.
That sort of thing ain't my bag, baby!

Freed Pimp C!

It's official. Pimp C was granted parole and he should be home for Christmas.
What yall know bout them Texas boys?

Does a polar bear shit in the snow?

I have decided to devote my life to becoming a professional Texas Hold 'Em player. I've got a great poker face. I just smile all the time. No matter what. And everytime I look at my cards, I drink. No matter what. Maybe that's why I smile all the time. Or maybe it's because I have a good hand. Or maybe I'm bluffing. You just don't know.

It's 27 degrees outside and feels like 15 with the wind chill. I've heard reports of snow flurries west of here. WTF?! This is Texas.
I hate this. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Give me tropical sands, warm sun, and bikini-clad women. Give me a margarita and a Corona. Extra limes.
Don't give me this ARCTIC BLAST/WINTERY MIX bullshit.
I don't care if I ever drink another drop of hot cocoa in my life.
I've asked myself this before and I'll ask it again....Why did I ever move North?