When the Skittles start hitting you on the head, RUN!

Sorry guys, can't do HNT this week. The new phone isn't cooperating in that department. Other than that, I love it.

Deep breath. This is a long one...

So the immovable object/irresistible force thing is out the window. We lost (were robbed of) our first game last night against the same team we schelacked last week. The umps did a shitty job and we played like left-handed little girls on roller skates.
I blame it on the 2 new guys we picked up. They are a fat father and son duo. Pitcher and rightfielder. They're throwing our chemistry off. But they paid their money, so we gotta let 'em play.
And if Monday and Wednesday games weren't enough, now I've gone and committed to playing co-ed on Sundays with my cousin. We start this Sunday with a doubleheader. Then I have a tripleheader Monday.
Great. Break out the IcyHot.

After the games me, Teer, and Saltdog went to a pool hall/sports bar we hadn't been to yet. It was a very cool place. However, the service was ATROCIOUS. It took us 45 minutes to get our second beers. Forty. Five. Minutes.
It was all the stupid bartender's fault. She was about 50 and acted like a maniac. She actually told one of the waitresses, "I need you guys to go on break. I have to do some dishes and this shit is killin' me."
She said this while about 8 people were standing around waiting for drinks.
I was a bartender in BoozeCapital, USA for a good year. Haven't been behind a bar (legally) in a solid 2 years. I could've worked circles around this old lady last night.
So I casually ask the waitress if they were hiring, because I could always use some extra cash.
"Nope. Owner only hires girls."
WHAAAA? Garbage you say?
Don't get me wrong. I've known and worked with many excellent female bartenders. Hell, I even see what the guy is up to. Get good-lookin' girl to work the bar and cocktail, bring in the dudes. But no freakin' wonder the place was so fucked up. It was like two monkey fuckin' a football in there.
Did I mention that our waitress had a SLAYER tatoo on her right arm. Slayer. The hardcore deathmetal whatever band. Classy girls in that place, let me tell ya.
And the Owner was shitfaced. He almost beat the crap out of some regular who complained about his tab. Seriously had to be restrained by the Bouncer.
Enter the Bouncer - all 450 pounds of him. He'd check IDs a little, then get up on stage and karaoke to Al Green or something. Did a pretty decent job too. I liked him immediately.

So we finally get a pitcher from the waitress because single beers take WAAAY too long. We'd already played pool and foosball. Next was darts.
As we're moving towards the dartboard, the Gayest Man Ever jumps out onto the dance floor and starts doing cheerleader moves. Serious cheerleader moves. Toe-touches and rah-rahs and shit.
Then he comes over and starts talking to me. I hate this. I hate being tolerant. Why me?
He starts telling me about how he coaches cheer at Such-and-such High School and all I'm doing is covering my cornhole and avoiding eye contact.
Then I was saved by the funniest little skunk-striped hair having girl in the place, Gin. She's a bartender and interrupted by saying, "Maintain."
Just that. Maintain. That's all she said and the little flamer went away.
I was awestruck. Is this some secret homo password I don't know. Like the way attack dogs are trained to heel when you say "Gugenheimer", the unwanted sexual advances of gay men can be halted by saying, "Maintain"?
No, it wasn't that. She knows the guy cause he's a regular and their little pet. But when he starts scaring off the straights she has to tell him to maintain his composure.
I was amazed and thankful to no end.
That's when she said the funniest thing I'd heard in a long time (title of post), "When the skittles start hitting you on the head, RUN!!". (Ya know, like in the commercials - Taste the Rainbow)
I laughed and laughed.

We're going back next week.