Who knew?

I did. That's who.
The Astros are for real.
That's right. Even though they lost today, they're still in first place for the wild card.
22-7 in the month of July, bitches!!! Don't doubt the Lone Star state.
And don't think they won't give St. Louis a run for their money in the division as well.

Since the Spurs walked away with the NBA title, the .45's and Rangers are both in the playoff hunt, and the Cowboys are gonna wreck shop this season I gotta pose this highly possible scenario.
Spurs - 2005 NBA Champs
Astros (or Rangers) - 2005 World Series Champs
Cowboys - 2006 Super Bowl Champs
It'd be the best year ever. ever. I'd be able to die a happy man.

Also, I can't even watch Andy Milonakis anymore. Now that I know he's not 12, I think his show blows big green donkey dicks.

Around the way girl

Went down to the Library (it's a cleverly named bar) last night and met up with the Hot Neighbor Girl and her friends.
$1 domestic bottles and $1.50 imports, which means I had about 8....teen Shiners and a couple Jagers. I was feelin' it. Still am.
Ended up at IHOP around 2:30 in the a.m.
Finally made it to bed around 3:30.
HNG woke me up about 4. Her friend wrecked his truck. Well, it's not his truck. It's a rental. Anyway, they needed a pair of pliers. Why they needed pliers, I do not know. I gave them to her and asked if she would return with them sans clothing and inhibitions.
She didn't come back, but I'm pretty sure she gave my proposition a good long thought.
We're all getting together again Saturday for a repeat of last weekends poolside barbecue and beers.
This could be a very interesting weekend.

Damn! That girl fine.

Now, I'm no Hot Librarian or anything. But I got some skills with the MS Paint.
Here's a new HNT submission for you.
Not really sure who this girl is, but she's definitely got it going on.

The pretty blue eyes. Those red lips. The good hair. Damn.

And that Texas bikini. WOW.

Girl of my dreams.

In other news, we got our T-shirts and a plaque for winning the Wednesday night softball league (undefeated as well). Then I went to the Big Apple Cafe to celebrate. They got some kickass pizza at that place.

Total runs scored on Wednesdays: by us - 168, by our opponents - 69.

Who wears short shorts?

I spent the entire weekend, except for a few hours when I played golf, beside the pool with a cooler full of beer and some chicken cooking on the grill. It was awesome.
The neighbor girl who lives behind me (call her Lexus) is sexy as hell. Jose's female friend from work is sexy as well.

With that being said, I can now tell you that the Monday night softball league is officially over and we went undefeated. It's a great feeling. Now they're going to put us in a tougher bracket, where we belong. The Wednesday night league will finish up this week as well. That team is also undefeated (so far).

Work sucks.
My boss sucks.
Sprint sucks. (will there be an HNT submission this week? we'll see)

The power went out at my apartment complex last night. Just when I was about to turn the vacuum cleaner on. I was in the middle of some serious cleaning. Don't know what got into me. The place is actually halfway decent now. Smells better anyway.
With no lights, the neighbors and I decided it would be best to drink scotch and play cards by candlelight. Just when we'd gotten into a good game of 31, the power kicked back on.
We finished the game and stayed up until 1 shooting the shit anyway.
I think my neighbor down below was pretty pissed when I turned the vacuum on at 1:30 this morning. He'll get over it.
That's it. Back to the grind.

What kind of bird don't fly?

That skinny bitch Candi is back. HELL YEAH!!!

You got me. You got the Tater.

Polly has tagged me. What a bitch. [justkiddingdon'tkillme]

1. What were three of the stupidest things you have done in your life? (Note: That I will admit to on my blog):
-Last Christmas, I was driving home to see the folks and exchange presents. Except I left the presents at my apartment. And I didn't realize it until about 3 1/2 hours into my trip. So I had to turn around and drive back. A trip that should've taken 5 hours took about 12.
-A couple of guys (8-9) in my fraternity got into a fight with basically the whole chapter (at least 15 guys) of another fraternity one time. When I showed up the fight was over. The guys from the other fraternity that actually fought back had gotten their asses whooped. I helped one bloody kid into a car so he could go to the hospital. Then the cops showed up and threw me against the wall. After convincing them I wasn't in the fight, I was told to wait for questioning. When I asked (like the smartass I am) why only the dudes from my fraternity were going to jail, the officer cuffed me and hauled me off for PI.
-I once scored a goal for the other team in a JV basketball game because I was high. I hadn't been paying attention and got called off the bench during a free throw. When the rebound landed in my hands, I put it right back into the goal. The other team's goal. That's why I always vote against dope-smoking white boys playing basketball.

2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?
-me. if someone answers differently on this one, they are probably lying.

3. If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up five people to dine with, who would you pick?
-Jesus Christ
-Socrates
-Billy the Kid
-Leonardo DaVinci
-Benjamin Franklin

4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?
-That I could find a better paying job closer to my family.
-That my dad would finally get his Social Security money.
-That the doctors would figure out what's wrong with my dad's back and fix it.

5. Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.
I regret that my hometown doesn't have:
-a Wal-Marts.
-a Taco Bell
If you're in my hometown you should avoid:
-Crazy Judy (I should probably blog about her sometime). She's the crazy, strung-out bitch walking around town and offering blowjobs for cash.
-The World's Only Married Armadillos. They bite. and yes they were seriously married. had a ceremony and everything.

6. Name one event that has changed your life.
-See the scar story. Going off that rope swing was definitely a turning point in my life.

7. Tag 3 people.
-Latigo Flint
-Belldoorlover
-The Sarcastrix

You're standing on the tracks

It's official. We've wrapped up first place in both the Monday (see prior post) and Wednesday night leagues. I just got home from administering a 15-2 curb checking to some scrub team named Beer. Good name. Shitty players.
Give me my damn T-shirt. XL, please.
Now the only thing left to play for is a perfect record.

Also, I killed the crickets. And I feel very good about myself now.
Screw Bob and his Enzyte. Guys, if you feel like a loser, kill something. Then you're a real man.

and if you know what movie I'm talking about up there, you're alright in my book.
(Idon'tgiveoutbonuspoints)

I apologize for the lack of half-nekkidness. It's all the Sprint Store's fault. Blame them.

Bring me the head of Jiminy Cricket

A plague of crickets has descended on this building. It's driving me insane.
The noise. The noise, noise, noise.
There's a loud mouthed? (legged?) little bastard under the sinkhole by my desk. He won't shut up until I go in there.
I've tried drowning him.
I've tried pouring bleach down the drain.
I've tried
well, that's really all I've tried to do. I've got a lot of shit on my desk.
And a fuckin' headache now.
Thanks, you little grasshopper wannabe reject.

My boss just suggested I put some food near the hole to draw him out. Then step on him when he emerges. I'll try anything at this point.

I'm too old for this shit

The Monday night team remains undefeated, despite the fact that we hit the ball like a bunch of limp-wristed flamers. Both games came down to the final at-bat. Both times someone came through in the clutch and saved the day.

I had an opportunity to be the hero of the first game. If only I'd caught that looong fly ball that bounced off the top of the fence in right.
Instead I ran head-first into the fence, bounced off, looked around, saw the ball lying on the ground, and threw it in. The chain-link fence left a nice imprint on my face.
We won the first game in a come-from-behind effort, since we were the home team.

In the second game I made a sweet diving catch on a short pop-up behind first base. I dove, caught the ball, rolled and came up firing to complete an awesome double play.
We ended up winning that game when our left-fielder made a similar double play to end the 7th inning (we were visitors).

Today I'm definitely paying for. My back hurts, my knees ache, and I've got a nice little strawberry on my elbow. But it was worth it.

It's about damn time, too

Got me a raise today. WooHOO!!!
Sprint PCS Vision can kiss my white ass. The punk at the Sprint Store FINALLY asked if he could help me after standing there for 20 minutes while he flirted with two ugly hookers.
Yeah, your ringtones suck. Help me.
Apparently the problem with my phone is only serviceable by a "technician" and they're all gone for the night. At 7:30.
So I went back today at lunch.
The same prick was standing there taking down names for the waiting list. Fuck that.
I'll go back after work, but I'll be damned if I wait more than 30 minutes while he shows some dumbass hillbilly how to save a phone number.
I need to read my text messages, asshole. Hurry.

I'm actually in a really good mood because of this raise. I had updated my resume and sent it to a few employers on monster, but now I'm not so sure about that.
Anyway, I'm going to the track. It's been a shitty week and I'm about due for a winning evening.
Peace out.

Worth the wait?

I had to go digging around in my photo album (shoe box) to find this one. I'd forgotten all about it. There's a story that goes with it as well.
This was taken on my 23rd birthday (I think). The bar I lived next door to (at) in college was having oil wrestling and $1.75 wells. I was in the obligatory birthday boy state of drunk when the MC announces an auction.
And what an auction.
The winner gets to oil up the finest wrestler they got.
Needless to say, I wanted it. It was my damn birthday and I fuckin' wanted it.
Thank God for my fraternity brothers. and my tip money from the previous night.
I got to rub this trailer park beauty down with baby oil and keep the polaroid to prove it.

Please Stand By

We are experiencing technical difficulties in posting an HNT picture. The ntework is not allowing pics to be sent at this time. Sorry all. We're working around the clock to correct the issue.
And now back to your regularly scheduled programmin.

E-mail Babysitting

Apparently it's become my job to keep an old friend entertained while she wastes the day away at her cubicle. If she were open-minded in the least, I'd introduce her to the blog. But you'll soon see she's as stubborn as an old mule.

Brooke: Freaking talk to me. I'm about to fall asleep.
Darrel: Did you know that Andy Milonakis is 30? What the fuck?!
B: Who the hel is that?
D: Let me introduce you to my friend, Latigo Flint. Go here and here . That'll keep you busy for a minute. I've got some samples to take. http://anewwordforfast.blogspot.com
B: Darrel I hate blogs. I don't understand how you can like them so much. But then again you always were a little off:-)
D: I forgot. You're not much on the whole reading thing, huh? It's okay. But you gotta admit, that trampoline story is fucking hilarious
B: I didn't read it:-) are you still thinking of moving down here?
D: I like how you just pass judgement on something without even botheringto look at it :).
B: I didn't actually pass judgement on your little friend himself, I just don't like blogs period. Ever since you sent me to the wrong spot along time ago. And I read all stuff about some girl being a whore.
D: why do you hate blogs? how many have you ever read?
B: Sorry if I'm being snappy. Ever since Monday when I decided I would quit smoking, I've been pretty quick with the mean one liners. Actually that how I use to be in high school. I think. I don't mean them, I just can't keep my mouth shut. Everyone up here is going to hate me.
D: Trust me. Read this and you will laugh. http://anewwordforfast.blogspot.com/2005/04/if-trampolines-could-sneer.html
B: Nope. Stop trying to bring me over to the dark side. I want to join myspace and put pictures of someone else on there. That would be fun. I could say whatever I want and no one would know
D: ee-haw!! ee-haw!!
that would be you. how stubborn you are.
B: Slater. I'm out

Some people are just beyond help.

Scheduling Conflict of Interest

I've got a scheduling problem. My best friend is having his bachelor party Labor Day weekend. Dove season starts labor day weekend.
Those who know me know that I love to look at titties. You also know I love to hunt.
Can I squeeze both activities into a three-day weekend?
Of course I can. It's a nice problem to have, isn't it?

A list of favorite things to say at the ranch:
"Bring me wunna them cold beers, babe!"
"Sensuous up, woncha bring me another wunna dem cold beers?"
"They're shittin' on me!" (when your shot misses the bird or you're too busy drinking your cold beer to even see the bird that flew by)
"Comin' up behind you, Merl!" (he'll look every time)
"You gotta give me some knuckle for that one"
"It's about beer-thirty by my watch."
"Get'er done, doll!"

Fuck you, buddy

For our eighth week of Half-Nekkid Thursday, I present a double dose of fuck-you to the terrorists.


Fuck you, Osama.














And fuck you, Secret Organization group of al Qaeda Organization in Europe.


Assholes.

...And the Party Never Ends

After an eventful Saturday night, LD got up and went to church with his aunt and her family. I decided to cook some chicken ka-bobs and brats. Later that evening we went to the movies and saw The Longest Yard. It was awesome.
Then we decided to head down to The White Elephant for the official pre-picnic party. I ran into an old girlfriend down there. She's been through a lot of shit since last we spoke. Her boyfriend died on a motorcycle and her grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Poor girl.

Sunday was the day we'd been waiting for. We loaded up the cooler with beers, gatorade, water and sandwiches. Then we made our way to the Stockyards.
The parking lot was pretty packed, but we found a spot directly behind the North stage. Our spot was also withing shouting distance of Willie's tour bus, the Honeysuckle Rose.

There were shade trees at the end of each row, so we decided to hang out and drink cheap beer until the better acts (CCR) came on.
That's where we met the Kansas crew. They drove 10 hours just to see Willie. Had to give them mad respect for that. 3 hours and many, many beers later we made our way inside to see Cross Canadian Ragweed. They rocked.
Then a few more people played. It's hard to remember exactly. I was drunk and pretty dehydrated by this point.
I know that Jason Boland kicked ass.

Ray Wylie Hubbard (with special guest guitarist Cody Canada of CCR) was my favorite act of the day.
The Lost Trailers were very good and full of energy. They are from Georgia, but wrote a song about how much they love Texas.
The Doobie Brothers were excellent. I called my dad so he could listen to them for a little while.
Billy Joe Shaver was another awesome performer.
Then Bob Dylan came on the stage. I'm not a big Dylan fan, but was impressed to see him in a cowboy hat.
Willie nearly brought the house down.
All in all, it was an excellent event and worth every penny of the $40 ticket price. Even if the show did run about 2 hours behind schedule.

We ended up coming home with 2 shirts, 6 koozies, 3 sports bags, 5 coffee mugs, 3 flashlights, and 2 foldout chairs with cooler compartments. Most of this was thanks to LD, who spent nearly $100 at the Lotto Texas tent on scratch-off tickets. For every $5 spent, he got a gift.
I strongly recommend that anyone who loves Willie and can make the trip come down here to Fort Worth for the 33rd picnic next year.

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy

Friday night I went to the horsetrack with Nate. We drank beers and gambled. Lost $40.

Saturday LukeDuke came back to town and we went to Sneaky Pete's. We ate and played pool. LD started taking JagerBombs and hitting on random girls. The boy has no fear of rejection whatsoever. Knock him down and he'll get right back up.
We laughed at this guy because he looked like Tattoo from Fantasy Island.

"The plane, boss. The plane."

So we left Sneaky Pete's and headed to the greatest honkytonk bar ever, BillyBob's.
Things were going well as we made our way around , checking out all the cool memorabilia.

LukeDuke with a cast of the late great Johnny Cash's hands.
Below is the saddle chandelier that hangs above the dancefloor at BillyBob's. My camera phone doesn't do it justice.

I will have one of these hanging in my living room someday.
The hands below belonged to one of the greatest honkytonk singers of all time.

Gary Stewart committed suicide on December 16, 2003. For recording beautiful songs like An Empty Glass, he will be greatly missed. If you're looking for some good beer-drinking music, get your hands on some of his stuff. You will not be disappointed.

After many failed attempts, some girls finally talked to us.

They were from California. The one on the left is married with 3 kids, but the one next to LD was single and very hot. She was loving our accents and hanging with us shot-for-shot.
She danced with LD. Then she danced with me. (Yes, I can slow dance and even two-step if beautiful women are interested in doing so).
As the night wore on, she got a little closer and a lot drunker. LukeDuke threw up and went to the truck, so he was out of the picture. As I walked her out, she threw her arms around me and we made out in the parking lot. Good times, my friends. Good times, indeed.
(She gave me her cell number, but didn't answer or return my call the next day. Oh well.)

I'll post about the Willie Picnic later (plenty to talk about there as well).

For my friends in Big Sky Country

This is for all you Montana folks.

A bear walks into a bar in Billings,
Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says,
"We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands
again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,
"We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says,
"If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states,
"Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
.........You're gonna love this.........
The bartender says,
"You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.

The Willie Way

Went to Hooters for lunch. Our waitress was the only one wearing a regular size T-shirt.
And she was pregnant. Real pregnant.
Oh well. The boss is gone and I've nothing to do but sit here with my feet propped up on the desk, listening to Robert Earl Keen tell his famous Willie Nelson Picnic story. If you've never heard it, I recommend running out right now and buying this album. It's one of my all-time favorites.

Speaking of the Red Headed Stranger, I just bought my tickets to the 32nd Annual Willie Nelson Fourth of July Picnic. Check out this lineup.
I went last year and had a blast. This year should be even better.

That is all. for now.

Until I found out Kenny is suspended for 20 games.