Bowling, beer, breakfast burritos, and a book

Just for the record, this weekend wasn't as good as the last one. I went bowling and drinking Friday with friends. My boss tagged along.
When you make an ass in front of your supervisor, have a drink.
When you start telling him about all the inter-office relationships he doesn't know about, have another.
When your friends start talking about smoking weed in front of your boss, have two more drinks and a shot of Jager.
When your boss leaves and you feel relieved that you can finally truly relax, have a drink.
Hell, have another drink just because it's Friday.

Then wake up at home in bed and wonder how you got there.

Just for the record, Saturday was spent in a state of dehydrated hell. I did make it out to the library, however, and got another Palahniuk book. Diary, it is called. I devoured it along with my breakfast burritos. It was the inspiration for this post.

Working for the weekend

Quittin' time. It's almost here.
That wonderful time of the week when working-age adults turn into antsy little boys and girls again. Staring at the clock. Waiting, waiting, waiting...
No force of nature or act of God could keep me from staying here one minute longer than absolutely necessary today.
Avoid your boss like the plague. Find something to look busy. Watch that clock.
Won't be long now. I can almost taste it.
Set 'em up Joe, and play Walkin' the Floor.
Come on. Hurry up.
Tic
Toc
Tic
Toc
Tic
Toc
TIC
fuckin'
TOC.

Won't you be my neighbor?

There are 8 apartments in my building, counting mine.
The guys across from me got evicted. I think they were illegals.
The guy below me sells vacuum cleaners and insists my name is Dwayne. Fuck him.
Haven't met the people across from and below me.
The guy diagonal from and below me is bald and works for the city. His truck always looks like it's ready for a car show.
The guy next to me on the same floor is Shaky Dennis with the bad alcohol problem. He's the one who got carted off in the ambulance. He owes me 5 dollars.
The family below him no habla engles, except for the kid. The mother washes cars for people in the parking lot. I think I'll have her do mine when the income tax return arrives.

The newest neighbors I have met are Candace and Jose. They are the coolest ones yet. I haven't talked to Jose much because he's a chef and works late, but he seems pretty cool. Candace is a 21-year-old drunk who likes to pop pills. She invited me over to watch American Idol and drink beer. Jose's friend Jorge is living with them until he finds a job or gets picked up on warrants - whichever comes first. We watched the show and drank beer. Then lo and behold they pulled out a bottle of my old friend Kentucky Deluxe. We took shot after shot until I forced myself to stumble down and back up the stairs to my bed.
These are my kind of people.

Split my wig

DAMN that shit hurts. I was walking around in the attic at work, looking for old files from the previous millenium when I cracked my head on a metal rafter. No one was around to see me, so I'm not too embarassed. But I now have a nice little bit of blood in my hair. This sucks. My head is ringing. I'm going home.

Microton

I saw these guys at a show in Dallas last year. They are pretty damn good and the website lets you hear 4 complete songs. My favorite is Dirty Bad Mattress. The band is called Microton.

Thanks once again to Candi for showing me how to post links.

Kind of stupid...

This is dumb but I got nothing else to post.

Here are the rules:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

The closest book I have available (since I'm at work) is Pharmaceutical Process Validation Second Edition

"The activation energy Ea and mechanism of heat degradation for the product under consideration should be known so that sterilization temperature and time parameters can be coordinated to minimize degradation. During the cycle development work, various combinations of time and temperature should be evaluated for their effect on product stability. The same delivered F0 can be achieved with lower temperatures and longer times or vice versa; however, if activation energy is a key factor in product degradation, a longer cycle at lower temperatures may be appropriate."

Breathtaking, I know. What a page-turner.

For something a little more intersting, check out the sequel to Kimberly's erotic tale at http://mercurialenergy.blogspot.com

Beer, backflips, boobies, and bogeys

This was one of the best weekends I've had in a really long time. Here's the rundown.

Friday:
Hit a bar with some friends. Some band was playing that I'd never heard of. They started out pissing me off with a Big and Rich song. I despise Big and Rich. Then they did a 30 minute medley which included every popular song a group of white boys could play. They covered everything from Digital Underground's Humpty Dance to Poison's Every Rose Has Its Thorn. I was actually kind of impressed.

Saturday:
My old college roommate has the perfect job. He's a motocross nut who paid for his college education by starting a dump truck company in high school and building motocross dirt tracks. He now runs the freestyle motocross tour and travels around the country running shows. This weekend they were in Dallas, so a group of about 15 friends got together and went to see the show. It was fuckin awesome. The tricks were all very tight. No accidents. And the last guy did 4 backflips.
Afterwards, we all decided to go to the Cabaret Royale and see some titties. I love strippers. Strippers love me. It's a nice relationship. I actually ended up with a phone number.
Ended the night by drinking scotch and playing hold 'em with some friends until 5 in the morning.

Sunday:
I woke up at 11 on the couch. No car, no golf clubs, and a tee time at 1. It was close, but I made it to the course at 12:55. Actually played rather well and ended up winning 20 bucks. Not too shabby. Afterwards, it was Hooter for some naked hot wings and beer. The waitress was hot, too.

So that was my weekend. I really needed it because this week is going to be hectic at work.

I do have one more thing to say (this has been a long post for me). We lost a great writer and interesting character over the weekend. Hunter S. Thompson apparently shot himself. If you've never seen the movie or read the book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, I highly recommend it. Moment of silence for the godfather of gonzo journalism, please.

Crap Poo Dookie Turd

Looks like rain. I hate the rain. There's a 30% chance for rain on Sunday and a 70% chance for golf.

I walked my dog twice last night, once after work and once after Point Pleasant. The first time around this old guy came up to me and says, "Hey you're not letting your dog go around here, are you?"
I said, "Yes I am. Where else would he go?"
He says, "I live right here and I'd appreciate it if you'd take him somewhere else."
"Sure thing. No problem. Where should I take him?"
"I don't know. Over there." Points to another grassy area.
"Alrighty then."
I walked away and started the old 'That's what I shoulda said' thing.
I mean, come on. I live here too. There's dog shit all over the place. It's a biological fact of life that animals must excrete their waste. If I don't let my dog shit when he needs to, he might damage something in his bowels and impact his colon. I refuse to risk my dog's health for one old bastard who doesn't watch his step. And taking him to another place only means he'll be shitting near someone else. And I refuse to pick the turds up, no one else in the complex does it.

So, the second time I walked Mak we went another route. I usually try to take him the same way because he can't see much and he's familiar with the obstacles, but if it'll ease relations in the neighborhood I can be flexible. We were walking along and I noticed what looked like a person laying in the grass. As I got closer I realized it was a guy and he was either 1)dead 2) knocked out or 3)passed out. Turns out it was #3. I tried to get him up, but he was way too far gone for that. Then a man and woman came up and started asking where the party was at. I said I didn't know about any parties. Then the man proceeded to hoist the half-dead guy over his shoulder and shove him into a car. Turns out they are the kids parents and he's a senior in high school. Then they said something about calling the police and I left.

Top Ten Cold Beers

Bottel Rocket Fire Alarm's post has force me to list my favorite ten not light beers:

10. Corona
9. Dos Equis
8. Shiner Heffenweizen
7. Newcastle
6. Kilian's Irish Red
5. Fat Tire
4. St. Arnold's Fancy Lawnmower - microbrew in Houston
3. Coors Original - AKA Yellowbellies
2. Red Stripe Jamaican Lager

and the best beer in the world
#1 Shiner Bock - brewed and bottle in Shiner, Texas. Mmmmm good.

This is a pic of my dog Mak. He is a 7 year old mini schnauzer. He only has one good eye left and it has cataracts, so he runs into things a lot. I wrote about him in a previous post.

This is a pic of the 8 point I killed in November. It's no trophy buck, but I shot it from about 250 yards away. My stepdad also shot an 8 point the same morning.

Thanks to candi for help with the pics.

Just another day

"The truth
is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize
for bleeding on your shirt"
- Taking Back Sunday

Help?

I would like to post some pics on this blog, but the task seems too complicated for my peasized brain. Any help in this area would be greatly appreciated.

On another note:
Damn the copy machine. Damn it to the pits of office equipment hell. Nothing gets accomplished around here when that paper whore is on the rag. In order to accomplish my objectives for the day and week I need to make about 1000 copies today. But noooooo, the antique Xerox model 00001 decides today is the day to up and die. And forget trying to use the fax machine. That's like watching old people fornicate.

Another funny, maybe

At lunch today I was telling my friend Keith how I'd rented the movie he recommended to me. The movie was The Girl Next Door. I definitely recommend it - Elisha Cuthbert makes me feel like when you're climbing the rope in gym class, except we didn't have ropes in gym. I've just always wanted to say that.
Anyway, I also mentioned how I'd accidentally grabbed the wrong DVD when checking out. I actually got home with The Girl With the Pearl Earring. So I turned around and went back and got the right DVD. Not very funny, I know.
Later someone asks what movie it was that I'd accidentally rented. Keith says, "The Girl with the Pearl Necklace." To which I quickly replied, "No I definitely would've kept that one."
We both died laughing and no one else got it.

Two Erics?

This is pretty trivial, but it bugs me so listen. My new favorite show is House MD. The black doctor on there is Eric Foreman. My old favorite show was That 70s Show. The skinny white kid on there is Eric Foreman. What are the writers at Fox thinking? Did they run out of names to use?

So I'm sitting in a meeting yesterday with all these really intelligent people, right? I can hold my own in the discussion. No problem. I was trying to act professional because normally when these people come to my office they find me tossing scraps of paper into the trashcan from 20 feet while listening to Pantera and yelling out, "He shoots he scores!!!!". I make my own fun. But I was sitting there listening attentively when my boss (who is a "PhD from Purdue with 20 years experience in the industry") was asked a question he didn't know the answer to. His response was, "The nuances of that process make it difficult for me to respond accurately at this time." I almost died. The QC manager turned red and we had to avoid eye contact with each other for the rest of the meeting. Otherwise, I would've seriously lost it. Some people are so formal in everything they do. I would've said "I don't know" or "Let me get back to you on that one". Yanks.

Quitters never win...

Big Sweaty quit yesterday. Big Sweaty was my personal nickname for the new girl at work. It didn't matter how low the AC was set, if she had to get up off her big ass there was gonna be some sweat flowing. Therefore, the nickname fit. Also, she snapped at me one day for asking about a weekly diagnostics test. Bitch.
Apparently she didn't like the vague objectives, lengthy lectures, and trivial tasks she was asked to complete. I was surprised she made it for this long - 2 months. I think her father's illness had something to do with her leaving as well.
Anyway, she won't be missed.
Her leaving does put pressure on the department to find an immediate replacement. If you know someone with cleaning validation experience, holler at me.

Currently listening to:
Blink 182 mix
Currently playing:
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

National Hangover Day

What a rough weekend. Drank way too much at the Mardi Gras party Saturday night. Then had to wake up early and drive 5 hours back to DFW for Super Bowl party. Drank way too much at the Super Bowl party.
The vast majority of my friends have gambling problems. Of the 30 or so people in attendance, only about 7 people were actually watching the game. The rest were throwing dice in the dining room.

Took my little brother fishing this weekend. We only caught one fish, but it was fun. I hooked a little bass and let him reel it in. Makes me wish I lived closer to home so we could do stuff like that more often.

Wise old sayings

It's a beautiful day outside and I'm stuck in this hole. Two days ago they were predicting snow and now it's bright and sunny with highs in the mid-50s. Like they say -
"If you don't like the weather in Texas just wait a minute and it'll change."
Here are a few other pearls of wisdom often heard in the Lone Star State.

Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Only cows know why they stampede.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'til they get thumped.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Relapsed

Well I thought I had this cold knocked out but boy was I wrong. Felt shitty Sunday and nearly wrecked on my way to work Monday morning I was coughing so hard. I called in and went to the doctor. Got some meds and rest. Feeling better now. Trying to get better for Mardi Gras this weekend.
The "friend" stood me up. Sucks but she had a valid excuse. Oh well, maybe next time. If she's lucky.

Currently listening to:
Taking Back Sunday - Tell all your friends
Currently reading:
Choke - Chuck Palahniuk