Guess who owes the government 20 bucks?
I'll give you a hint. It's me.
Fuckin' rat bastard IRS. Always stickin' it to the workin' man.
Last year I got back about $700. This year I only made about $2000 more than last year and I OWE money? On what planet does this make sense?
It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't been counting on that extra income to go skiing this year. Well, no ski trip for me.
I'm thinking of taking a job selling oil wells in Dallas. Just call me JR.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
I didn't sell out, I bought in
On the 14th day of February you can usually find me downing longnecks at some bar and watching basketball. I tend to take the pessimistic view that Valentine's Day is a bogus holiday invented by Hallmark, Hershey's, and the restaurant industry. Bitter about being single, but glad to be a free man none the less.
This year I sold out. The timing was just too good.
I met this girl back when I was a senior in college and she was a freshman. She bowled with us on our Wednesday night league. She hung out with my fraternity all the time. She's funny, beautiful, and intelligent. But at the time she was dating one of my fraternity brothers. So nothing ever happened.
So I cooked dinner for her (stuffed bell peppers and italian asparagus) and we got wine drunk. It was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.
Okay enough mushy bullshit. After a 2 month break, it's almost time to start the softball season back up. This year's teams are lacking depth. We need pitching. Badly. Because last year's pitcher can't play and I don't want to do it.
Also, my old roommate's dirt bike tour will be making a stop in Dallas this weekend. I went last year and had a blast. This year should be even better since damn near every person who owns a dirtbike can do a backflip. Last year we only got to see about 5 flips. I'm waiting to see if someone can pull off a front flip. or die trying.
And finally, SPORTS. The Mavs are in 1st place! Avery Johnson is a great coach. The Rangers might be getting the Rocket. or he could stay in Houston. Either one is fine with me, just so long as he stays in Texas.
And the rest of the world hates America, because we have more gold medals than them. Haters.
This year I sold out. The timing was just too good.
I met this girl back when I was a senior in college and she was a freshman. She bowled with us on our Wednesday night league. She hung out with my fraternity all the time. She's funny, beautiful, and intelligent. But at the time she was dating one of my fraternity brothers. So nothing ever happened.
So I cooked dinner for her (stuffed bell peppers and italian asparagus) and we got wine drunk. It was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.
Okay enough mushy bullshit. After a 2 month break, it's almost time to start the softball season back up. This year's teams are lacking depth. We need pitching. Badly. Because last year's pitcher can't play and I don't want to do it.
Also, my old roommate's dirt bike tour will be making a stop in Dallas this weekend. I went last year and had a blast. This year should be even better since damn near every person who owns a dirtbike can do a backflip. Last year we only got to see about 5 flips. I'm waiting to see if someone can pull off a front flip. or die trying.
And finally, SPORTS. The Mavs are in 1st place! Avery Johnson is a great coach. The Rangers might be getting the Rocket. or he could stay in Houston. Either one is fine with me, just so long as he stays in Texas.
And the rest of the world hates America, because we have more gold medals than them. Haters.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Fuck you Mr. West
Kanye West is the definition of an ASSCLOWN. Now he's saying he belongs in the bible and that he "Changed the sound of music"?!?!
Nigga please.
Get over yourself. You're not even that talented as a rapper. Much less as a musician.
Sometimes I hate celebrities
Nigga please.
Get over yourself. You're not even that talented as a rapper. Much less as a musician.
Sometimes I hate celebrities
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
The Re-Wedding
My best friend and his wife got married this weekend... again. They're the ones who had originally planned a big fancy ceremony in Houston on Sept. 24, which was cancelled by that bitch of a hurricane Rita.
The only available time to redo the wedding was this past weekend. Super Bowl Weekend. Great.
It was a long trip down there and an even longer, hungover trip back.
But I had a really good time.
Spent too much money and missed the first half of the Super Bowl.
But I had a really good time.
I got to see an old friend who lives far, far away this weekend. Like middle of the Pacific Ocean far away.
She's the older sister of a girl I grew up with. Really intelligent. Kind of slutty in high school.
She's an absolutely gorgeous cajun woman now. Long brown hair, piercing green eyes, and a trophy wife's body.
Because that's exactly what she is now. A trophy wife.
She use to be one of those traveling nurses. She'd be in Cali one month and Carolina the next.
That was until she got a gig in Hawaii. She never really came back from that one. Met her husband the second day.
He's a doctor.
and a lawyer.
He's a hybrid Doctor/Lawyer badass poolshark, bar tab-buying Hawaiian. Who already has two kids. Another hero for my collection.
They live on one island and commute by plane to the big island for work and school.
Some people have all the luck.
The only available time to redo the wedding was this past weekend. Super Bowl Weekend. Great.
It was a long trip down there and an even longer, hungover trip back.
But I had a really good time.
Spent too much money and missed the first half of the Super Bowl.
But I had a really good time.
I got to see an old friend who lives far, far away this weekend. Like middle of the Pacific Ocean far away.
She's the older sister of a girl I grew up with. Really intelligent. Kind of slutty in high school.
She's an absolutely gorgeous cajun woman now. Long brown hair, piercing green eyes, and a trophy wife's body.
Because that's exactly what she is now. A trophy wife.
She use to be one of those traveling nurses. She'd be in Cali one month and Carolina the next.
That was until she got a gig in Hawaii. She never really came back from that one. Met her husband the second day.
He's a doctor.
and a lawyer.
He's a hybrid Doctor/Lawyer badass poolshark, bar tab-buying Hawaiian. Who already has two kids. Another hero for my collection.
They live on one island and commute by plane to the big island for work and school.
Some people have all the luck.
Did you know...
... that saccagrapas is Spanish for staple remover?
and that San Diego is Spanish for whale's vagina?
More to come.
and that San Diego is Spanish for whale's vagina?
More to come.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
A Very Early Prediction
Go ahead and put me down as saying that the grey-haired guy from Alabama (Taylor?) will win American Idol this year. I wonder what kind of odds he's getting in Vegas?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
A Total Lack of Creativity
I can't come up with anything witty or funny to tell you so I'm copping out this week. I stole this from the Belldoorlover.
80 things you might not know about me (not really 80... what's up with that, Belldoorlover?)
1. What is your middle name? Wayne
2. How big is ur bed? Queen
3. What are you listening to right now? air conditioner and the New Guy talking about buying a house
5. What was the last thing you ate? tostadas
6. Last person you hugged? my moms
7. How is the weather right now? cool and cloudy?
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Barton
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ass, tits, face
10. Favorite type of Food? chips and salsa
11. Do you want children? eventually
12. Do you get high? high on life
13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night? no I can usually remember a few things
15. Eye color? brown/hazel
16. Do you wear eye contacts? yep for months at a time
17. Favorite holiday? Christmas
18. Favorite Season? Wedding season. summertime
19. Have you ever cried over a Guy/Girl? now way I'm too hardcore for crying
20. Last Movie you Watched? Underworld Evolution (Kate Beckinsale is awesome)
29. What books are you reading? One Ranger, The Regulators, and the Stand.
30. Piercings? no
31. Favorite Movie? Forrest Gump
32. Favorite college football Team? Texas Longhorns
33. What were you doing before filling this out? driving to work
34. Any pets? Mini schnauzer Mak
35. AOL? AIM
37. Dogs or cats? dogs
38. Favorite Flower? roses
40. Have you ever loved someone? yes
41. Who would you like to see right now? Kate Beckinsale
43. Have you ever fired a gun? yes
45. Right-handed or Left-handed? right
46. If you could go to anyplace right now where would you go? Playboy mansion
48. Are you missing someone? she's in Spain
49. Do you have a tattoo? no
50. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday morning? Saturday morning cartoons suck now
51. Are you hiding something from someone? of course
52. WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE? black clock
54. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT? probably not
55. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING? I'm sleeping in this weekend
56. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE? books, chapstick, water bottle, phone
57. GRILLED OR FRIED? grilled
59. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? my superpowers
60. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? not at all
61. FAVORITE HANGOUT? Crockett street in Beaumont
62. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? backscratcher, computer, music
63. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1 THOUSAND DOLLARS? a little less debt
64. FAVORITE SONG? I'm liking And it Stoned Me by Van Morrison today
65. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? failure and rejection
66. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER? both
67. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Goonie, goonbob, D-rell, DJ, Pretty Hardcore
68. WHAT IS/WAS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME? Wayne
69. WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME? she doesn't have one
70. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD ONLY BRING ONE THING/PERSON Kate Beckinsale
71. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? Budweiser at halftime of Super Bowl
72. WHO'S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER? sprint
73. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A fire? pictures
74. Favorite color? blue
75. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS BRING WITH YOU? keys, wallet, cell phone, testicles
76. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? Conan the Barbarian
77. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 7? eat dinner
78. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET? green
79. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET? Kate Beckinsale
80. WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT BEF0RE Y0U G0 T0 BED? what I have to do the next day
80 things you might not know about me (not really 80... what's up with that, Belldoorlover?)
1. What is your middle name? Wayne
2. How big is ur bed? Queen
3. What are you listening to right now? air conditioner and the New Guy talking about buying a house
5. What was the last thing you ate? tostadas
6. Last person you hugged? my moms
7. How is the weather right now? cool and cloudy?
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Barton
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ass, tits, face
10. Favorite type of Food? chips and salsa
11. Do you want children? eventually
12. Do you get high? high on life
13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night? no I can usually remember a few things
15. Eye color? brown/hazel
16. Do you wear eye contacts? yep for months at a time
17. Favorite holiday? Christmas
18. Favorite Season? Wedding season. summertime
19. Have you ever cried over a Guy/Girl? now way I'm too hardcore for crying
20. Last Movie you Watched? Underworld Evolution (Kate Beckinsale is awesome)
29. What books are you reading? One Ranger, The Regulators, and the Stand.
30. Piercings? no
31. Favorite Movie? Forrest Gump
32. Favorite college football Team? Texas Longhorns
33. What were you doing before filling this out? driving to work
34. Any pets? Mini schnauzer Mak
35. AOL? AIM
37. Dogs or cats? dogs
38. Favorite Flower? roses
40. Have you ever loved someone? yes
41. Who would you like to see right now? Kate Beckinsale
43. Have you ever fired a gun? yes
45. Right-handed or Left-handed? right
46. If you could go to anyplace right now where would you go? Playboy mansion
48. Are you missing someone? she's in Spain
49. Do you have a tattoo? no
50. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday morning? Saturday morning cartoons suck now
51. Are you hiding something from someone? of course
52. WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE? black clock
54. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT? probably not
55. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING? I'm sleeping in this weekend
56. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE? books, chapstick, water bottle, phone
57. GRILLED OR FRIED? grilled
59. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? my superpowers
60. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? not at all
61. FAVORITE HANGOUT? Crockett street in Beaumont
62. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? backscratcher, computer, music
63. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1 THOUSAND DOLLARS? a little less debt
64. FAVORITE SONG? I'm liking And it Stoned Me by Van Morrison today
65. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? failure and rejection
66. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER? both
67. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Goonie, goonbob, D-rell, DJ, Pretty Hardcore
68. WHAT IS/WAS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME? Wayne
69. WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME? she doesn't have one
70. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD ONLY BRING ONE THING/PERSON Kate Beckinsale
71. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? Budweiser at halftime of Super Bowl
72. WHO'S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER? sprint
73. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A fire? pictures
74. Favorite color? blue
75. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS BRING WITH YOU? keys, wallet, cell phone, testicles
76. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? Conan the Barbarian
77. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 7? eat dinner
78. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET? green
79. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET? Kate Beckinsale
80. WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT BEF0RE Y0U G0 T0 BED? what I have to do the next day
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