Other Brother

Hey there, internets

2009-05-28T00:26:00.002-05:00

It's been a minute. I'm writing this in Vacaville, California. My wife is pregnant with the second child - a boy this time! And my little girl has progressed all the way up to walking around the house and saying precious things like, "shoes", "twooooooo?", and "daddy".
Oh, and I'm buying a house back home in Silsbee, Texas. Weird how life changes in just a few dozen months, huh?

Here's how the whole house-buying thing went down.

We realized that there's a free $8000 floating around for first-time homebuyers, so we decided to start looking. In the course of looking an awesome house came up for sale really close to my mom. Of course, the owner was asking way too much for our budget. So we looked some more and found a really good house in town with a pool, hot tub, nice-looking, cheap, plenty big, etc. We made an offer and didn't get that house because they decided to sell to a "safer" buyer.
Disappointed with all the remaining houses, we pretty much decided to cut our losses and wait for something better to come onto the market. In the mean time we would save up some more cash for down payments and such.
Then the owner of the first house came back into the picture. Guess he talked with a realtor and they weren't going to put the house on the market for nearly what he originally offered. So we found a reasonable middle ground and the rest is history.... hopefully.

We close in 10 days. The wife and baby are going to be there beginning sometime in August (I think) and stay until #2 comes along. I'm going to try and find a way to get back home more.
The current project is only allowing one trip home per month. It's been working out okay because the wife and baby are here too. It'll be more difficult when they are not here with me. I miss them severely when they're gone. Who knew I was such a family man?

Til the next time, internets.

quarterly blog update for Q1 - posted late

2008-05-14T15:27:00.004-05:00

On March 5, 2008, after many hours of labor and more than a few tense moments where we thought a C-section may be needed, my beautiful daughter was brought into this world. We named her Emma Jane. She was 7 lbs. 14 oz. and 21.5 inches long at birth. Since then she's nearly doubled her weight and lengthened herself by about 3 inches. Did I mention that she's beautiful?

I'm not going to post pictures of her... oh who am I kidding? I can't help it. I've been sending pictures of her to every person with an email account that I've come across since 1998, when I got the AOL and started internetting it up. I'm smitten with her and she pretty much ignores me unless I stick my tongue out at her, in which case she smiles big and sticks hers out too. We've been bonding.

Here she is.

One of the many cool things about having a baby: when I'm holding her I am totally allowed to fart... out loud even.

In other news, we are still in the STL area, but have moved away from our previous house. Thanks (many, many thanks) to our landlord's negligent handling of a completely broken sewer line, we were able to break the lease and move into a much (much, much, much, etc.) nicer place. We got nearly double the square footage (and a basement! and a garage!) for $100 more per month.

As for work, it still happens pretty regularly. I'm splitting time between 2 projects and working on getting another one set up down in DFW. If at all possible, we would really like to move back home and be near my family. The problem is that jobs in my industry just don't exist there. At least not in the immediate vicinity of my oil-industry-soaked hometown.

As for the wife, she's pretty much bounced back from the whole pregnancy thing. She is looking good and doing a fine job of putting up with me. (hi, baby). She's also doing a wonderful job for a first-time mom.

All-in-all life is great. Things are quite different than when I started this blog. And that's absolutely fine with me.

insert cliche about how long it's been since we talked

2007-12-29T22:52:00.000-06:00

So... I'm having a little girl in March (see the picture?). no, it's not like that episode of The Cosby Show where the males get pregnant ("it's a sloop with 3 masts") ... my wife will actually be doing the child-birthing, but I'm still involved and stuff. We're naming her Emma Jane. Emma was The Wife's choice and Jane is a family name from my dad's side.

Married life is pretty damn good. I think being a family man is what I was meant for all along. It helps when you're totally in love with your wife and stuff. Cause that's probably the deal breaker. If you're not in love then marriage probably sucks.

So you know, I'm typing this in my in-laws RV in Brazil (Indiana). It's a big one with a gas heater that crapped out on us last night. it was frigid when I woke up this morning. Indiana is cold right now, but there's no snow.

In other news, we are moving to St. Louis next week, so from now on you can find me in Saint Lou-ay, where the gun play ring all day and some got jobs and some sell yay while others just smoke and fuck all day.

I don't think that stuff will be happening on our cul-de-sac though.

Work is good. It's going pretty well. A bigger bonus would've been nice but it still beats the $50 gift cards we use to get at the old job. Plus it was pretty much all my bosses idea to move us to the STL (that's what I like to call it - that or "The 'Lou") and they paid for the relocation, which is awesome. He's really trying to take care of us and I appreciate that.

And last but not least, the DALLAS COWBOYS are doing fairly well. Don't know if you heard, but they're 13-2 (that 13 wins and 2 losses... which were fluke lossses by the way). Tony Romo is definitley bouncing back, just like I knew he would...

Til the next time I get a few beers in me with nothing better to do....

All hitched up

2007-09-10T00:03:00.000-05:00

I am a married man.

It was a beautiful wedding and everyone had a good time. I'm glad it's over so we can relax some now and concentrate on getting this baby out of my wife. Here is a good pic of the rehearsal so you know what it looked like. Maybe when the photographer's pics get here I will post more. Hold your breath. Y'know, since I post on here so often and everything....

Cowboys won a shootout tonight against the Giants. We were there and I screamed my voice away. The offensive play calling was good. The defense was not.

If Eli "The Face" Manning can throw that many TDs against us we might be in trouble.

I'm tired. Just wanted to give you a quick update and leave you with this....

Left-to-right, that's my uncle (mom's side; he married us), my cousin (mom's side; he sang), my great-uncle Bob (PawPaw's brother) and my PawPaw (father's side).

First, notice the look of shock on Bob's face. That is his picture-taking pose.

Now notice the fancy dress shirts my Bob and PawPaw broke out for the wedding.

Bob's is a whitetail deer pattern with forest background. PawPaw's is a bunch of moose silhouettes.

I share genes with these people.

All we need is the 12-gauge

2007-07-07T07:45:00.000-05:00

Kind of got some big news. Sort of a life-changing day this past Thursday.

It started out like any other day. I went to work. I worked. I drove home from work. Jess was making her "pshghetti", which is awesome by the way (she used ground italian sausage).

And we were standing in the kitchen looking at Willie and tasting the sauce when she drops the bomb on me.

"I think I may be pregnant"

like whoa.

smiling cause I had an idea this could happen, I says, "wow. I'm going to be dad? that's going to be expensive...". My humor does not recognize proper timing.

So she took a few (4) more home pregnancy tests just to confirm. All came back "pregnant".

Before I knew we were pregnant I was going to save some money and pop the question around Thanksgiving or Christmas. This little incident sped things up a bit. So we got engaged now and we are getting hitched at my grandparents' place in Creede, Colorado over Labor Day weekend. Should be really nice if the weather is good.

I can't believe it's really happening but I'm excited. To think, I'm going to be a daddy and a husband. Holy crap, I'm getting old.

We got our rings yesterday and my Uncle Quincy has agreed to perform the ceremony, so that will be awesome.

Here are our rings. Her's is a 2 carat combination engagement and wedding band with 3 diamonds in the middle representing past, present, and future and a "cascade" of smaller ones extending to midway around the band. Mine is grey.

Willie the Wimp

2007-06-27T21:23:00.000-05:00

He's a mama's boy.
He's scared of his own treats.
And he shits in the corner when we're not looking.

But he loves to play fetch.
He's an excellent lap dog.
And he makes me laugh.

Also, I COULD blame him when I rip a nasty fart. (I could, but why would I?)

Back to Texas

2007-06-12T16:49:00.000-05:00

Jessica is all moved in at 6230 Farrah Drive. We made the 16 HOUR drive this past Saturday dragging a U-Haul trailer that kept us from going over 70 mph the whole way. It was not fun.
But she's there now and I'm in Indiana for the last (work-related) time. Hopefully...
I'm really glad she made the move. It's the first time I've lived with a girlfriend.

I had a stone cold reality check the other morning when I woke up and looked under my sink... THERE WERE TAMPONS IN MY BATHROOM. Not just one or two, or even an empty wrapper in the trashcan. There was a big pink box staring up at me. That's when I knew it was for real.

So I said I wasn't getting another dog right away after Mak passed on. I had all these ideas that I wouldn't be able to replace the "Best Dog Ever". I didn't want to heal. I wanted to silently mourn him a good year or two.
But I couldn't just leave Jess at home all week completely alone... and I really missed having a dog around.
So we went to a couple of animal shelters Monday morning just to look around and see if anything caught our eye.

The first place didn't really have any dogs like she was looking for (small-to-medium, fun, housebroken). I was secretly only looking for one kind of dog -- old, blind, grumpy, and smelly. They just don't make them like that anymore.

The next place was just down the street and smaller so I didn't have high hopes. We walked in and asked if they had any smaller dogs.

The lady said, "We have some Chihuahuas" (I almost walked out right then.)
"... and a Schnauzer." (I peed a little bit.)

They opened the door and I saw him in his cage. I would've taken him right then but we decided to look around anyway. I didn't really even consider the other dogs, but they all deserved a chance right?

So we went back in and got him out to play with. Once Jess was sold on him I was so happy. Here he is -- Willie Mays Hayes.

things

2007-06-08T09:37:00.000-05:00

THINGS I LIKE ABOUT 2007:
-the new girlfriend packing up her stuff and relocating to Texas to be with me.
-getting to live and work in the same city (June 18th start date)
-having extra money (finally)
-the Robert Earl Keen concert at Gruene Hall - it was great.
-the Guadalupe trip - even though it rained.
-Being able to plans trips to Crystal Beach, Lake Sam Rayburn, THE CAYMAN ISLANDS, and Vegas (and possibly Vegas again) this year.
-having time to post more (maybe)

THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT 2007:
-my dog died (see below)
-my cousin died (I'll get to that later)
-my grandfather isn't doing so well - Alzheimers and poor health.
-Josh got shot in the head. amazingly, he is doing well and will end up being perfectly fine. that may end up being another post as well.
-I'm still not in Texas yet
-I'm still in debt

The best dog ever

2007-04-12T18:33:00.000-05:00

I got him when he was just a white-haired little pup about the size of my fist. He was a graduation present from my future stepmom. They were already calling him Mak because he kept to himself and acted real cool.
We spent most of that summer together. He loved to ride shotgun with his head out the passenger side window.
When I went off to college he stayed behind. There were no dogs allowed in the dorms. For two years we only got see each other on holidays and the occasional weekend visit.
Once I moved out of the dorms he joined me at 200 West Starr. His weekly escapes became a household routine and many a Sig Tau pledge spent their work hours walking up and down the streets of Nac yelling his name.
And he always made his way back - whether on his own, with the help of a neighbor, or if by dumb luck someone mentioned him to the family that took him in.
He even followed me across the street once and got rolled over by a car. But he bounced right up and was just fine.
He eventually crossed paths with a bigger meaner dog and lost an eye for it. In time his other eye would also deteriorate due to cataracts.
He stayed with me throughout college and into the working world. When I took this traveling job and his eyesight got bad enough I realized it was time he went back home.
He spent the last 4 months at my mom's house, where it all started.
I got to see him this past weekend for the last time. We tussled on the living room carpet and then took a nap on the couch. When I left on Easter Sunday I had no idea it would be the last time I'd see him.
It seems he made one final escape early Wednesday morning and got hit by a passing car. I guess it's fitting that he should go out that way. He always loved to take a trip.
I miss you buddy. You were a good boy.

Time to go... the party's over

2007-03-25T11:06:00.000-05:00

It's been a good run here in Terre Haute, Indiana but it looks like we will be moving along in a month or so. Not that I'm heart-broken about it or anything, but I was just starting to not hate this place that much. Also, I found a really cool chick that works at Pfizer here. She's pretty damn awesome.
Which reminds me... I'm not dating MillerTime anymore. Ended that a little over a month ago. She took it pretty hard but these things happen. I just don't see myself settling down anytime soon. And long distance relationships are stupid.
BUT I'M SERIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH THIS NEW GIRL. SHE IS AMAZING AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER. I PRAY WE CAN WORK THINGS OUT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.
There is a big project just beginning over in Singapore. That would be interesting.
There is also the possibility of drumming up some work in the DFW area. My current project manager has some really good contacts down there. At the least it would mean a couple days at home to set up the initial meetings and tour their site. And if it all worked out I could actually live and work in the same city. LIVING AND WORKING IN THE SAME CITY - what a nice idea.

Whatever happens I'm sticking with this company. I may be entering into a program that they've recently added for future Director-types. There is currently only one person in the program and I haven't had a chance to speak with her yet about it.
I don't have all the details but what I do know is this:
It would allow/require me to take courses and get my MBA
It would be a 3-year deal where I would work on 6-month assignments in 6 different areas of the business like accounting, finance, operations, sales, and I don't really know the rest.
It would pretty much be the most awesome thing I've ever done. Once I finished I would have mountains of experience and be able to demand piles of money.
I'm stoked about the possibility of doing this.

Okay, that's enough for now. More updates when they come (or when I have time to write about them).
Peace in the middle.

WORD(s)

2007-01-25T22:01:00.000-06:00

What's the damn deal, internet? It's good to see you again. How are things?
Me? I'm fine. Work too much... never home... [insert continued bitching and moaning]
I joined a gym and started working out. It feels good to do that. I wanted to write that for Future Darrel to see. HEY Darrel 6 Months From Now, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO TO THE GYM!!!!!!!!
Dwizzy is getting a job at my company and he's probably going to be working up here with me, which rocks.
I got a raise and a Rookie of the Year trophy. It's a piece of glass shaped like a candle flame. Not to be modest or anything, but they made up the award specifically for me. No big deal.

In a previous post I gave a somewhat vague but revealing reference to some trouble I got into. Everything is okay now. Let me just say this: A GOOD LAWYER IS WORTH EVERY DAMN PENNY. You definitely get what you pay for.
I mean, this guy I got was slick. He knew the hardass judge would be out of town for Christmas and scheduled my court date for the 27th.
I was like, "Damn yo, that's when I be trying to kick it with my peeps and celebrate Jesus's birfday. What you got against Baby Jesus?"
And he was like, "You had better get your priorities straight, young man. You are in serious trouble and I strongly recommend that you be here on the 27th."
So I busted back like, "For the skrilla I be dishing out, you better be popping off like Johnny Cochran in this bitch."
Then he was all like, "Get out of my office."
And long story short... I'm out 5 grand but my sweet virgin ass is safe once again.

Now... on to the important stuff.
Tony Romo crapped the bed but I'm not going to give up on him. I mean, surely he can bounce back. Right? Right?
And Parcells is out. It was a good run. He got some awesome draft picks for us. It'd be nice if he stayed around just to analyze draft picks for the Cowboys in the future.
As for the new coach... I'm all about THIS GUY WADE PHILLIPS. AND I ALSO HEAR THAT JASON GARRETT IS AVAILABLE...
.
Also, we should definitely KEEP "The Player". You know, the guy with the hamstring and the finger and the painkillers. That guy who dropped more passes than anyone else. We definitely need to KEEP him. Just get him THE BALL.
Also, the Mavericks are rocking it. Dirk is Dirk and Josh Howard is coming into his own. I really like our chances this year. The Suns are just not going to go away, though. Should make for an awesome playoffs.

THE END

HI

2006-11-13T23:51:00.000-06:00

The Taco Bell in Terre Haute, Indiana is the WORST FUCKING TACO BELL ON THE PLANET. But I keep going back.

I like Big and Rob on MTV.

The Dallas Cowboys were tearing my heart out this season. Then they started Tony Romo. Mark my words. Tony Romo is the next Tom Brady. Check it.
Tony Romo = 8 letters
Tom Brady = 8 letters
Tony starts with a T
Tom starts with a T
Uhhh.. oh yeah, Tony Romo makes Drew Bledsoe look like Coco the Circus Monkey just like Tom Brady once made Drew Bledsoe look like Coco the Circus Monkey.

Also, Tony Romo is the new Chuck Norris. Check it.
Tony Romo wasn't built in a day.
Tony Romo doesn't sit the bench, he waits.
Behind Tony Romo's dimples there isn't a face, just another touchdown pass.

That's all I got. I miss you all. Gorilla masks for everyone. Peace

Higher Ground

2006-08-25T20:19:00.000-05:00

I'm still here. In Terre Haute. Latin for "Don't get your hopes up".
I wake up, go to work, work my ass off, eat lunch, work more, call Miller, go home, eat, and sleep. Thrilling, huh?
I've been moved into Dwight's house since July now but can count the number of nights I've stayed there on one hand. Mak apparently likes it there, though.
It's a good place for him (to poop on). and pee on apparently.
We've been working 12 - 14 hours shifts since Monday and it looks like that won't stop for another month or so.
However, I am getting paid. P A I D.
Then my lawyer will get paid...

Don't drink and drive, kids. It's dumb. and expensive. even if you're not drunk. Don't drive. ever. and for sure never, NEVER take the breathalyzer. Learned that one the hard way a few years back.
I am actually considering buying a scooter. How fucking pathetic is that?

Okay, enough depressing bullshit.

The Difference...

2006-07-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

A great example of the difference between a Yankee and a Cowboy.

Alex Rodriguez Yankees 3rd baseperson- "I made 3 errors and my toe hurts. Everyone boos me and it's not fair. Waa waa."

Keith Davis - "I got shot twice the other day but I'll be in training camp, coach."

A few things

2006-06-26T22:52:00.000-05:00

Indiana doesn't have Whataburger and that's just sad.
American Airlines gave me 250 bucks for 5 hours of my time that I would've wasted on the internet or playstation anyway.
I'm probably going to San Diego in July to see Miller.
I might possibly, maybe, get to go to Germany for a few weeks in August. (and have to work 6 days a week while I'm there) but I'll be in GERMANY!
I'm fat. Time to do push-ups and workout? eat less/healthy? develop a cocaine habit?
Dee-White's house is PIMP. I'm about 75% moved in. Thanks, Sparky and Dickey.
I still have yet to see or participate in a game of Beer Pong but I'm sure that quite a few of them are in my future. (We got a regulation-size table, ladies. Holla)

The Tao of Willie is an insightful, funny, and very entertaining book. I highly recommend it. You can borrow my copy.

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote was a good one, too. It makes me want to read more of his stuff.

That's about all I got for now. The job is going. I'm learning much and understanding little but every day I get better at it. The people I work with make it much easier. We laugh a lot. We pick on each other a lot. We pick on Kyle ALL the time. and that's fun because he's a good sport about it. We eat almost the same thing every week.
Monday - Manager (Kyle) picks Monday. (random. today was meatloaf at Caroline's)
Tuesday - Texas Two Buck Tuesday at Dick's Texas BBQ for lunch and Wing Night @ BW3 or dollar scoops at Baskin Robbins
Wednesday - Wild Card Wednesday (random. usually Jimmy John's - awesome sandwiches)
Thursday - Mexican Homey's Day. Los Tres Caminos for lunch and Homey's Que and Grill for dinner. Homey's Que is gooooood. and Homey cracks me up.

that's all. later

Why do they even have the competition?

2006-06-20T17:00:00.000-05:00

They should just ask me who I think will win American Idol each year. Yes, I'm gloating (very belatedly) about Taylor's win.
I called it back in February. See?

Hurry up and wait

2006-05-21T10:14:00.000-05:00

Now that I've finally found some free time for the ol' blog I'll fill you guys in on my current situation.
Here and now, I am sitting in a newly furnished 2-bedroom apartment in Terre Haute, Indiana and typing this on a company laptop (Dell Latitude). The apartment is about 1000 square feet and in a quiet neighboorhood. I'm very happy with it. The laptop has become an extension of me. I don't know what I'd do without it.
For the first 2 weeks on this job I flew home on Friday and back to Indy on Sunday. I stayed over on the 3rd weekend to get some extra work done. Then I flew home again last weekend to see Miller before she leaves for the summer.
About the job... it's definitely a positive career move for me. I realize now just how primitive and ass-backwards things were at the old company. It's probably similar to a baseball player making the jump from the high school junior varsity squad to the major leagues. At first I was a bit intimidated. But now I'm really starting to get the hang of it. The reason for the post titles is that seems to be the way things go around here. We get rushed to deliver some documents and the project manager gets her panties in a knot. So she gets on us to get them done. Then we get about 10% into the work and find that there is not enough information available (the clients fault) to complete the task in time. Also, the reviewers here change their minds every 5 minutes.
Most of the people I work with are great. There's a core group of about 6 or so that I really enjoy hanging out (drinking beer and cracking jokes) with. They're all either young in age or young at heart, and that makes for some good times.
The apartments were ready Friday, so I stuck around to move in and get everything situated. Also, someone needed to be here Saturday to check-in the new equipment that arrived. So after putting in a full day yesterday I went to the Big Lots and the Kroger. I love the Big Lots. I got a decent (cheap) little BBQ grill for 20 bucks and put it together last night. Today I'm going to cook some steaks and grill up some asparagus.
Next weekend I'll be making the trip to the Guadalupe and floating the river with the crew from Beaumont. Hopefully Dwight and Sparky will come too. Miller might even make it if she's still in town.
Speaking of Dwizzy, it seems his house will be ready for us to move in soon. I'm pretty excited about that. He and Sparky have been keeping Mak for me while I'm gone and doing an excellent job of taking care of him.
Okay. To summarize, life is good (but hectic) and I miss Texas.

Get use to it

2006-04-10T09:52:00.000-05:00

I know the blog has been neglected and I apologize. (see title)
Tomorrow is my last day at the current (soon to be old) job. I'm going to miss it like a fat kid misses celery. That is to say, not much.
I kinda feel bad for Dwight though. He's going to be swamped with extra work now.
I start the new job next Monday in Indiana. Then I fly back to Dallas on Friday for a wedding and then back to Indy again. After that, who knows.... they could send me anywhere. I'm hoping they'll put me to work in San Antonio sometime this summer.

I made the trip down to Nac on Friday for alumni weekend. It was crazy. My liver hates me and my stomach won't sit still. It was a shitty ride home yesterday. But I had a great time hanging with the guys. We basically just kicked it at the Sig Tau house and got obliterated all weekend.

It's over

2006-03-28T12:44:00.000-06:00

We got Choate buried this weekend. His funeral was the largest I have ever been to. There were people I hadn't seen in years who came out of the woodwork to pay their respects. To say that Marc's passing will have an impact on my life and those around me would be an enormous understatement.
A phrase I heard about a million times in the past week (because it is so evident and true) is that Marc was "one in a million". But fuck that. He was one of a kind all together. Completely unique and without equal.
The funeral was gut-wrenching. KB put together an awesome slideshow of pictures that took us from Marc's birth right up to the night of the wreck in Vegas. Then a group of his closest friends got up and spoke about Marc and the impact he had on their lives. Chuck was still pretty banged up and it was obvious he will be emotionally scarred for a long time, but he toughed it out and said his piece.
I haven't cried like that in years.
When the burial was over and everyone had time to recollect themselves, we met up at club Shade in Dallas. It was a great time as glasses were raised in Choata Boy's honor all night long.
The celebration of Marc's life ended early for me, as I had to catch a flight Sunday morning for St. Louis.

The interview in St. Louis went pretty well but I got kind of nervous during the rapid-fire interrogation session. It doesn't really matter though. I don't want to move out of Texas, so this morning I signed a contract with the company in Kansas City and gave my 2 weeks notice to the current boss.
This new job allows me to continue living here while traveling during the week to work. And the pay is pretty decent. They want me to be in Indianapolis on the 17th to start. I'm excited.

In loving memory of my friend and brother, Marc Dustin Choate.

2006-03-24T15:06:00.000-06:00

Rest in Peace, Choata Boy.
Gone too soon but never forgotten.

Choate was one of those guys who lived every day like his last. He pretty much epitomized the saying "LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG, AND LEAVE A GOOD LOOKING CORPSE".
Always the life of the party. Never a dull moment.
Bad ass rappin' ninja white boy.

Gots to get mine

2006-03-16T13:17:00.000-06:00

First, let me tell you about the crazy softball team we played last night. Now, the group of guys I play with on Wednesdays is your typical 20-something, college-educated crowd. Good athletes, nice cars, good teeth.
The team we played was "Get-R-Done". Seriously, that was the team name. And they said it (Get-R-Done) every time they got a hit. Luckily, they suck so I didn't have to hear it much.
These guys were all in their mid-30s to upper-40s, except for one big ol' bubba who was playing the outfield for some stupid reason. They all had nasty goatees.
We scored 14 runs in the first inning and they got 2 for the whole game. blowout is an understatement. I think it ended in a mercy rule after 3 innings at 19-2.
During the second inning, my friend Stark was tagging up from 3rd on a shallow fly ball. So Stark is running towards home plate at a pretty good clip when the catcher (a grey-haired old man) steps right into his path.
Stark does his best not to form tackle the guy, but ends up catching his shoulder anyway. The old man gives Stark a "what the fuck" and Stark says, "Don't stand in front of the fucking plate."
And that's about it, right? no big whoop.
until the end of the game when Cletus the Slack-jawed shortstop decides to call Stark out during the "good game" handshake lineup. There were a few "fuck you, buddy"s and a couple of "you guys got lucky this time"s thrown around. Thankfully, my guys didn't brawl or react too harshly.
However, the next time we play them there will be no mercy.

Secondly, I'm leaving on a jet plane for Kansas City tomorrow. A consulting company is going to interview me for a position with them at noon and fly me back in the evening. I really like the idea of taking this job because it's about twice the money and I would be able to work as a contractor in this same field. Which means I can stay in Fort Worth and move in with the New Guy (his name is Dwight) and Sparky. I will just be flying to job sites during the week.

Thirdly, another company in St. Louis is going to fly me out to meet with them in 2 weeks. They are an amazingly fast-growing company with great benefits. But it's in St. Louis and I really would like to stay in Texas. We'll see.

Finally, I almost (but don't) feel bad about continuing the job search. My current company gave me a pretty large financial increase to keep me here. The problem is that even though they upped my pay I'm still coming in at about 10k less than the national average.

Blazin' it up

2006-03-11T17:03:00.000-06:00

12 blazin' hot BW3 wings. that's all. no beer. no ranch. no water.
A stopwatch and a 6 minute time limit.
the result. Four minutes. Forty seconds.
A free T-shirt. your picture of the Wall of Flame. the respect of your peers.

Fingers crossed

2006-03-08T10:02:00.000-06:00

This softball season has gotten off to an amazingly awful start. Four games in and we're 0-4. I had to pitch last night because the regular pitcher was out. Yeah, we lost 20-5 in 3 innings. In my defense, it's slow-pitch softball. There's not much you can do as a pitcher to throw the batter off. If the guys are good (like the teams we're playing), they're going to get hits. But it's still early in the season. We can turn it around.

I went back to Beaumont this past weekend to see the family and hang out with friends. Everyone is doing well. Most people are keeping busy with repairing and remodeling homes damaged by the hurricane.
My dad has his 3rd (and hopefully final) disability hearing in April. He's staying optimistic and really looking forward to pleading his case. I pray it all works out for him.

The girlfriend situation is going really well. She's been coming over every night since I got back into town. This is not because she's clingy or anything. It's because she'll be in California over spring break and we won't get to see each other. I think she really likes me. I definitely like her.
So I guess I haven't fucked this one up yet.

Life returns to normal (if you can call my life normal)

2006-03-01T08:24:00.000-06:00

The softball season officially kicked off again last night. And we officially suck. Again.
We actually played decently in the first game and lost by two. The second game was fugly.
I hurt today.
But it's a good hurt because I really missed softball. It makes me happy.

And in other news, I've started dating this chick (the one from Valentines Day). She's pretty awesome. It's been a long time since I had a relationship that I could consider serious and exclusive. Hope I don't fuck this one up.

Uncle Sam is a greedy bastard

2006-02-21T08:26:00.000-06:00

Guess who owes the government 20 bucks?
I'll give you a hint. It's me.
Fuckin' rat bastard IRS. Always stickin' it to the workin' man.
Last year I got back about $700. This year I only made about $2000 more than last year and I OWE money? On what planet does this make sense?
It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't been counting on that extra income to go skiing this year. Well, no ski trip for me.
I'm thinking of taking a job selling oil wells in Dallas. Just call me JR.

I didn't sell out, I bought in

2006-02-16T08:15:00.000-06:00

On the 14th day of February you can usually find me downing longnecks at some bar and watching basketball. I tend to take the pessimistic view that Valentine's Day is a bogus holiday invented by Hallmark, Hershey's, and the restaurant industry. Bitter about being single, but glad to be a free man none the less.
This year I sold out. The timing was just too good.
I met this girl back when I was a senior in college and she was a freshman. She bowled with us on our Wednesday night league. She hung out with my fraternity all the time. She's funny, beautiful, and intelligent. But at the time she was dating one of my fraternity brothers. So nothing ever happened.
So I cooked dinner for her (stuffed bell peppers and italian asparagus) and we got wine drunk. It was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.

Okay enough mushy bullshit. After a 2 month break, it's almost time to start the softball season back up. This year's teams are lacking depth. We need pitching. Badly. Because last year's pitcher can't play and I don't want to do it.
Also, my old roommate's dirt bike tour will be making a stop in Dallas this weekend. I went last year and had a blast. This year should be even better since damn near every person who owns a dirtbike can do a backflip. Last year we only got to see about 5 flips. I'm waiting to see if someone can pull off a front flip. or die trying.

And finally, SPORTS. The Mavs are in 1st place! Avery Johnson is a great coach. The Rangers might be getting the Rocket. or he could stay in Houston. Either one is fine with me, just so long as he stays in Texas.
And the rest of the world hates America, because we have more gold medals than them. Haters.

Fuck you Mr. West

2006-02-10T08:19:00.000-06:00

Kanye West is the definition of an ASSCLOWN. Now he's saying he belongs in the bible and that he "Changed the sound of music"?!?!
Nigga please.
Get over yourself. You're not even that talented as a rapper. Much less as a musician.
Sometimes I hate celebrities

The Re-Wedding

2006-02-07T13:40:00.000-06:00

My best friend and his wife got married this weekend... again. They're the ones who had originally planned a big fancy ceremony in Houston on Sept. 24, which was cancelled by that bitch of a hurricane Rita.
The only available time to redo the wedding was this past weekend. Super Bowl Weekend. Great.
It was a long trip down there and an even longer, hungover trip back.
But I had a really good time.
Spent too much money and missed the first half of the Super Bowl.
But I had a really good time.

I got to see an old friend who lives far, far away this weekend. Like middle of the Pacific Ocean far away.
She's the older sister of a girl I grew up with. Really intelligent. Kind of slutty in high school.
She's an absolutely gorgeous cajun woman now. Long brown hair, piercing green eyes, and a trophy wife's body.
Because that's exactly what she is now. A trophy wife.
She use to be one of those traveling nurses. She'd be in Cali one month and Carolina the next.
That was until she got a gig in Hawaii. She never really came back from that one. Met her husband the second day.
He's a doctor.
and a lawyer.
He's a hybrid Doctor/Lawyer badass poolshark, bar tab-buying Hawaiian. Who already has two kids. Another hero for my collection.
They live on one island and commute by plane to the big island for work and school.
Some people have all the luck.

Did you know...

2006-02-07T09:54:00.000-06:00

... that saccagrapas is Spanish for staple remover?
and that San Diego is Spanish for whale's vagina?

More to come.

A Very Early Prediction

2006-02-01T08:46:00.000-06:00

Go ahead and put me down as saying that the grey-haired guy from Alabama (Taylor?) will win American Idol this year. I wonder what kind of odds he's getting in Vegas?

A Total Lack of Creativity

2006-01-26T08:11:00.000-06:00

I can't come up with anything witty or funny to tell you so I'm copping out this week. I stole this from the Belldoorlover.

80 things you might not know about me (not really 80... what's up with that, Belldoorlover?)
1. What is your middle name? Wayne
2. How big is ur bed? Queen
3. What are you listening to right now? air conditioner and the New Guy talking about buying a house
5. What was the last thing you ate? tostadas
6. Last person you hugged? my moms
7. How is the weather right now? cool and cloudy?
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Barton
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ass, tits, face
10. Favorite type of Food? chips and salsa
11. Do you want children? eventually
12. Do you get high? high on life
13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night? no I can usually remember a few things
15. Eye color? brown/hazel
16. Do you wear eye contacts? yep for months at a time
17. Favorite holiday? Christmas
18. Favorite Season? Wedding season. summertime
19. Have you ever cried over a Guy/Girl? now way I'm too hardcore for crying
20. Last Movie you Watched? Underworld Evolution (Kate Beckinsale is awesome)
29. What books are you reading? One Ranger, The Regulators, and the Stand.
30. Piercings? no
31. Favorite Movie? Forrest Gump
32. Favorite college football Team? Texas Longhorns
33. What were you doing before filling this out? driving to work
34. Any pets? Mini schnauzer Mak
35. AOL? AIM
37. Dogs or cats? dogs
38. Favorite Flower? roses
40. Have you ever loved someone? yes
41. Who would you like to see right now? Kate Beckinsale
43. Have you ever fired a gun? yes
45. Right-handed or Left-handed? right
46. If you could go to anyplace right now where would you go? Playboy mansion
48. Are you missing someone? she's in Spain
49. Do you have a tattoo? no
50. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday morning? Saturday morning cartoons suck now
51. Are you hiding something from someone? of course
52. WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE? black clock
54. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT? probably not
55. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING? I'm sleeping in this weekend
56. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE? books, chapstick, water bottle, phone
57. GRILLED OR FRIED? grilled
59. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? my superpowers
60. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? not at all
61. FAVORITE HANGOUT? Crockett street in Beaumont
62. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? backscratcher, computer, music
63. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1 THOUSAND DOLLARS? a little less debt
64. FAVORITE SONG? I'm liking And it Stoned Me by Van Morrison today
65. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? failure and rejection
66. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER? both
67. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Goonie, goonbob, D-rell, DJ, Pretty Hardcore
68. WHAT IS/WAS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME? Wayne
69. WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME? she doesn't have one
70. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD ONLY BRING ONE THING/PERSON Kate Beckinsale
71. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? Budweiser at halftime of Super Bowl
72. WHO'S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER? sprint
73. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A fire? pictures
74. Favorite color? blue
75. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS BRING WITH YOU? keys, wallet, cell phone, testicles
76. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? Conan the Barbarian
77. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 7? eat dinner
78. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET? green
79. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET? Kate Beckinsale
80. WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT BEF0RE Y0U G0 T0 BED? what I have to do the next day

At least one post per week

2006-01-18T15:26:00.000-06:00

My stupid cousin, Dumbshit, went ahead and moved in with his girlfriend. She has a FEMA trailer in Lake Charles. He claims to have a job at American Eagle, but who knows for sure. Who gives a shit for that matter. As long as he's not stressin' my grandparents anymore I'm cool with it.
So I didn't have to go home and lay down the law after all. Everything worked itself out without me.
I am going down there this weekend though. But this time it's for my own personal interests. Cute girl I knew from high school has been calling. She's pretty sharp and has definitely got her shit together. Which means it probably won't work out...
And I had a second phone interview with the contract company in KC. They seem pretty interested. The money would be awesome and I wouldn't even have to move. I would be flying to jobs during the week and home most weekends. The only downside is that I'd have to do something with the dog. My aunt would probably take him.
I'm gonna get drunk at TGI Fridays tonight with the New Guy. He's looking at houses online right now. and for those of you who have been wanting the address to his blog, here it is. http://mymilkshakebrings.blogspot.com
DON'T LET HIM KNOW WHO SENT YOU!!!!!!!!
I don't think he knows that I know where his blog is.
Thats all for now. I know I neglect this blog but it's mine. I can do that.

Dysfunctional? us?

2006-01-10T09:18:00.000-06:00

My father's brother, let's call him Sluggo, is a worthless no good piece of shit. Mooching burnout old man. He broke my grandmother's heart by dumping his youngest son, let's call him Dumbshit, on her when his current girlfriend refused to let him live with her anymore. He's currently being removed from the will.
His oldest son, let's call him Vidor, is 7 years older than me. I looked up to him and asked him for advice growing up. Now he's a covicted felon several times over doing 18-months in Tennessee Colony. Racist drug addict liar.
Dumbshit has been staying with my grandparents for the past year and causing all kinds of trouble. My dad gets really worked up about it when we talk about the situation.
My grandfather use to be a hardass. But nowadays he's getting softer. I'm not sure why.
Dumbshit managed to get himself kicked out of high school yesterday. He's 17 now and will turn 18 in April. This is the last straw.
My dad calls me last night and he's on the warpath.
"Get down here ASAP! We're putting an end to this bullshit!"
And he's right. It's time to stop coddling the lying little bastard thief. (He stole some speakers and DVDs from me when I was living out there.)
It's not like this is something new to the family. My great-grandfather had to raise Vidor when he was a kid. And look how well he turned out.
So I'm going back home this weekend to help sort this thing out. I pray that everything goes smoothly but the way my dad sounded last night... loud, angry words are going to be spoken. And I'll be damned if I let anyone lay a hand on my father.

Like Jerry Maguire...

2006-01-09T15:07:00.000-06:00

.. I love black people. They know how to have a good time.
Saturday night was my buddy Al and his wife Susan's housewarming party. Their house is the bomb. I want to live there. I'll just sleep in the media room and help out with bills. I'll even cook sometimes. But I digress...
Back to the black folk.
Al plays softball with us. I'm not really sure how we all became friends since he's originally from Ohio, but it's not important. What's important is that Al and Susan use to live in an apartment complex where they were the only white couple. And being the friendly people that they are, they made lots of acquaintances with the black people there.
So a lot of them showed up for this party. And we had a blast.
The radio was up loud. People were shaking their booties, playing cards, playing dominoes, getting DRUNK. It was great.
I haven't got down like that in a long time. If they hadn't been there it definitely wouldn't have been as much fun.
I ended up making apple martinis for the women and slammin' bones with the boys. There were two black guys who pretty much ran the domino table from the get-go. No one could touch them.
Then me and Al whooped their ass. They couldn't believe a couple of honkey beat them at bones.
then we lost to two white girls. but it was only because they were hot and I couldn't concentrate. The short one kept shaking her ass in my face when it was my turn to go.

Also, the 40-year-old MILF who lives down the way stopped me last night as I walked Mak. She wanted to know how old I was and if I was single. Hmmmm.
I'm not sure what to do about this one.
the older the berry the sweeter the juice, right?

Don't mess with Texas

2006-01-05T14:08:00.000-06:00

Vince Young = Texas legend.

Reggie who?

un aniversario del año

2006-01-03T14:16:00.000-06:00

It was about this time last year that I started this little journal of memories. Happy Anniversary, babe.

If you'd told me...

2006-01-01T15:30:00.000-06:00

...at the beginning of this NFL season that I'd be sitting here on New Years Day pulling for the goddamn Eagles to beat the worthless motherfuckin' Redskins, I'd have laughed in your face.
But here I sit.
Go Eagles.
I'm beginning to rethink my stance on the T.O. suspension. Maybe they should've let him come back for the last game. That woulda been nice.
Just give us a chance here big green.
as I type this Akers kicks a long field goal to go up 3-0.
Cowboys fans around the world rejoice.

As for the New Years Eve party, it was fun but too expensive. A lot of hype. A lot of boozing. Some spooning with a random chick. No kissing at midnight. But it still beat the shit out of last year.
I read somewhere that washing dishes on New Years Day is bad luck so I'm not doing it. But man if ever there was a day that shit needed doing, it would be today.

Good to go

2005-12-30T09:11:00.000-06:00

I finally fed Mak last night. Dude was starving. He took a good solid poop this morning. He's going to be just fine.

Tough little bastard

2005-12-29T08:05:00.000-06:00

I had to use a new vet when Mak got sick. We won't be going back.
I went to pick him up after work Tuesday and the vet was still very concerned.
He didn't know exactly what was wrong, but was very strongly leaning towards some kind of hemorraging in his gastro-intestinal tract. Well, no duh. He's shitting blood. You went to school for 8 years to tell me there's something wrong with his GI tract? Genius. Must be an Aggie.
He wanted me to take him to an emergency clinic for overnight treatment. So I asked what the overnight treatment was.
"They'll put an IV in, monitor him, and keep him off solid foods for a day or two," he says.
"Well, just leave the IV in and I can do the same thing at home," I says.
"But it just makes me nervous to know he's going home without us knowing exactly what's wrong with him."
"You just said you're pretty sure it's a GI tract problem. and the treatment for that is antibiotics, which you've already administered, an IV drip, and no food for a few days..."
"Yes."
"So leave the catheter in, give me the IV bag I just paid $60 for and let me take him home."
"But I'm worried about his mental state. He seems so depressed."
"He's a schnauzer and he's sick. That breed is super loyal and gets depressed when their owners aren't around. Bring him out to me and watch how much he perks up."

So maybe it didn't go exactly like that, but it was close. Mak came out and immediately started wagging his tail. Then I took him home and laid him down. I set up the IV and ran it all night. I set my alarm to go off every 2 hours so I could check on him.
No more vomit. No more bloody diarrhea.
He's fine. Thank the Lord.

Man down

2005-12-27T13:24:00.000-06:00

As I was giving the new sheets a test run last night, Mak threw up. I mean BIG throw up. Right by the door. So I cleaned it up a little and put him in the kitchen.
I fell back asleep and was having an awesome dream. Something about a brown haired girl with dark black eyes....
and I was awakened by Mak wretching in the kitchen. When I turned on the light, I saw that it wasn't just puke. He'd shit in there too.
He's usually really good about holding it in, so I got a little worried. I took him for a walk and cleaned up the kitchen.
When I left for work, he was sleeping in the corner and didn't seem too bad. So I decided to leave him there and just come check on him again at lunch.
When I walked in the house at lunch time the smell was awful. He'd puked two more times and taken a nasty poop. There was blood.
He's at the vet now. I'm trying not to freak out but this could be bad. I'm worried.

Nice

2005-12-27T10:32:00.000-06:00

The things I received for Christmas:
thermal underwear, socks, boxers, boxer briefs, and pajama pants (I actually asked for them this time)
600 count sheets (really comfortable)
Lyle Lovett - Live In TEXAS (awesome)
Tombstone (a favorite that I did not own)
Forrest Gump (same as above)
Norelco beard trimmer (needed it for the Chuck Norris manbeard I'm working on)
camouflage Dallas Cowboys hat (words don't do it justice)
one of those big luggage bags for hanging clothes (hope I need it)
Wolverine work boots (definitely needed them)
Nike softball cleats (another necessary piece of equipment)
Nike batting gloves (really nice)
fishing lures (hope I get to use them)
coffee cup warmer (I'll probably never use it)
a bag of bathroom stuff - razors, shaving gel, etc. (always good to have)
a bunch of gift cards (Academy, Wal-Mart, Old Navy, etc.)
and the best one... a new girlfriend
She's black and it looks like she's been around the block a few times, but I love her.
She's a Dell Inspiron 1200. My aunt found her at the pawn shop.
It was a good Christmas. More to come...

Livin large

2005-12-14T11:41:00.000-06:00

I had another kickass weekend. Played poker Friday night at Al's big ass house (I lost). Checked out his fine ass wife with her big ass titties. Then watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith on his big ass widescreen plasma TV in their media room (that movie is garbage). Al's wife is hot, his bankroll is fat, and he drives a Cadillac. I'm not jealous of Al. really. not at all.

Saturday night I went to a Christmas party with the neighbors, Candace and Jose. The party was at a friend of Candace's mom's mansion in Southlake. I was the tagalong. Just someone to keep Jose company around the snooty rich folk.
The house was amazing. When we pulled up they hade a valet. A motherfuckin' valet! at a house party! Rich people...
Then we get inside the house and they have a full spread of food. BBQ, seafood, fruit, chocolate covered strawberries, dips, you name it they had it.
They also had an OPEN BAR. That's right. Free booze. they even hired a bartender.
So I mingled with the hired help and flipped through the channels on the massive big screen for a while. Bartender dude was pretty cool and he knew how to hook up a Crown and coke.
Then Jose says we should check out the rest of the house. He showed me the pool and outdoor fireplace. There were flat screens all over the place! He even knew about some secret office shit where you push the bookshelf in and a door swings open. Very fuckin' cool.
Then we headed upstairs to the gameroom and I damn near spooged in my drawers.
Not only did they have a clean ass pool table AND a shuffleboard. They had the ultimate game room accessory..... GOLDEN TEE 2005!!!!!!!!!
I only left the game room to refresh my beverage and check up on the Heisman Awards ceremony. I was that random guy that no one knew who showed up just for the free booze and entertainment. Good times.

I had extra tickets to the Cowboys game on Sunday so I invited my old college roommate and his friend to come along. We had a blast.
The game was exciting and they bought me beers to pay back for the tickets.
When the KC kicker missed the field goal at the end, I could've caught the ball. If the net hadn't been there, that is.
I think that's retarded. The NFL should take those nets down and let the fans have a cool souvenior, like in baseball.

The Case of the Missing Cock Pump

2005-12-09T10:45:00.000-06:00

Every year around this time a group of my friends from college, fraternity brothers, and other associates gets together for a big Christmas party. We always have it at FIS's house. There's always lots of booze and [internet edit]. Everyone brings a gift and puts it under the tree. Later in the evening we draw numbers and do the whole White Elephant thing.
Some of the gifts from this year were:
a statue of a little boy that pisses out liquor. My gift. It's classy.
Poker chips. (What I ended up with)
An ATARI! ( I really wanted that one)
A T-Shirt that read "I went to the X-Mas Party and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"
A bottle of Jagermeister
A flashlight

But the craziest gift of all was the one that WhiteBoy brought. We'd been talking about it for weeks. He brought..... A COCKPUMP.
Y'know... a Swedish penis enlarger. A glass schlong extender.
It was going to be the most sought after gift at the party. Everyone could use one, right? Male or female.

However, the cockpump didn't make it to the White Elephant exchange. Someone stole it from under the tree when no one was looking.
I don't know who stole it, but it wasn't me. Honestly.
That sort of thing ain't my bag, baby!

Freed Pimp C!

2005-12-07T13:20:00.000-06:00

It's official. Pimp C was granted parole and he should be home for Christmas.
What yall know bout them Texas boys?

Does a polar bear shit in the snow?

2005-12-07T12:25:00.000-06:00

I have decided to devote my life to becoming a professional Texas Hold 'Em player. I've got a great poker face. I just smile all the time. No matter what. And everytime I look at my cards, I drink. No matter what. Maybe that's why I smile all the time. Or maybe it's because I have a good hand. Or maybe I'm bluffing. You just don't know.

It's 27 degrees outside and feels like 15 with the wind chill. I've heard reports of snow flurries west of here. WTF?! This is Texas.
I hate this. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Give me tropical sands, warm sun, and bikini-clad women. Give me a margarita and a Corona. Extra limes.
Don't give me this ARCTIC BLAST/WINTERY MIX bullshit.
I don't care if I ever drink another drop of hot cocoa in my life.
I've asked myself this before and I'll ask it again....Why did I ever move North?

Turkey Bowl 2005

2005-11-29T10:53:00.000-06:00

For a few years following high school graduation, a group of my friends would get together after Thanksgiving at the high school football field and play a game of tackle football. We called it Turkey Bowl. I only participated in Turkey Bowl 2000, but it was one of the more memorable games (which my team won on a long TD pass thrown by yours truly). It was pretty brutal at times but all in good fun. Eventually, the tradition began to fade.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2005. I go out with the core of this same group of friends and we meet up with many of the original Turkey Bowlers. We drink. and tell stories. and relive the memories of past games. No one is saying anything, but we're all thinking about it. It's time to bring back the tradition.
So that is how, at 2 a.m. on Thanksgiving night (technically the day after but who gives a shit), I ended up running throught dogshit, throwing passes, and delivering stiff arms to my old drinking buddies in a tiny front yard in downtown Beaumont. Drunk. as all get out. But happy. Happy as I've been in a long time.
I've said it before but and I'll say it again. I MISS PLAYING FOOTBALL.
But I'm getting too old for it now and I've got injuries that creep up on me.
I told you this story about playing football to tell you another story. This one is about baseball.
Don't worry I am going somewhere with this, it's just going to take me a minute or 3.

As much as I love football, baseball has always been my mistress. I've played the game since I was 5. I was pretty good in little league because of hitting puberty early and being bigger than the other kids. Later on they would all catch up with me and level the playing field, so to speak.
I've played on good teams, decent teams, even really shitty teams. But no matter the situation, I just love to play. It's something about the camaraderie. and the groupies. and sunflower seeds. But I need to finish this story or else it's going to be too long of a post.

So it was a bittersweet day in late May of 1998. Two weeks from graduation. Quite possibly the last organized baseball practice of my life. We were playing Orangefield the next day for a shot at the playoffs.
At the end of the day I volunteered to stick around and throw batting practice to a friend. I did this mostly because I knew it was the end of an important period in my life. And partly because he had a bitchin fuck story to tell about his new girlfriend.
If you know anything about manual batting cages you'll know that there is a certain amount of inherent risk involved in being a BP pitcher. Therefore, you have an L-shaped screen in front of the pitcher to deflect liners hit back up the middle.
What this does not account for is the possibility of a bankshot off the side posts of the batting cage. If I had the tools at hand I would draw you a picture.
Anyway that is how I caught a screaming liner, which had ricocheted off the aforementioned side post, with my nose. Squarely. And the blood did flow.
And my nose wasn't just broken. It was shattered.
2 weeks before my high school graduation. The day before my final baseball game. We lost the game to Orangefield and missed the playoffs. I sat in the dugout and damn near cried. Okay, maybe I teared up a little but that's not important.

Sidenote:
I had the most unimaginable streak of bad luck that year. 1998 was a shitty one for me.
Anyway, I got the nose fixed as best as possible and did all the cool things seniors get to do during their last week of high school with a big white cast on my face.
But I did it all in a pillfucked stupor. They gave me good Vicodin back in those days. And by this time I had come to know the difference between good pills and weak ones pretty well. Remember the scar story? It's over on the sidebar if you haven't heard that one yet. That terrible series of events occurred at the beginning of 1998.
I still have a good deal of blockage, but can usually breathe with mouth closed with little or no trouble.
However, I am very cautious about not reinjuring the snout. Usually.
Unless I've been drinking and playing football late at night. Which brings me to the conclusion of this long drawn out ramble.

Turkey Bowl 2005. About 3:15 a.m. Beaumont, Texa.
It's 4th down. My team is up by 1 touchdown. The other team has the ball. I line up over the center and blow through him. The quarterback (who is a big boy) ducks his head as I'm coming up. His head meets my nose. Explosion of blood. Tears in the eyes.
"FUCK I broke this damn thing again!!"
He goes down and I pull off my shirt to stop the bleeding. Turns out it may not be broken. But it still hurts like a sonofabitch.
But at least I got the sack and we won the game.
I remain undefeated in Turkey Bowl competition. Maybe I should just retire and go out on top.
and my nose is still hurting today.

Right back where we started from

2005-11-21T15:12:00.000-06:00

I got drunk at the neighbor's apartment Friday night after I helped her move a bunch of furniture and shit. They got a new bedroom set. It's pimp. I'm a little jealous because all my stuff is old hand-me-down shit. I kind of like it that way though. I'd rather spend the money on a fun weekend.
Speaking of which, this weekend turned out to be pretty cool. I played a softball tournament Saturday.
Well honestly, it was more like I played one game (sober) at 10 am (won 15-0). Then went to the bar to watch Ohio State and Michigan until about 2 pm. Then played (good hard buzz) at 3 pm (lost by 4).
After that we went to the horsetrack and bet on the ponies until about 7 pm. I actually came out losing less than usual this time. I'm getting better at this gambling thing.
Then we played our last game (good and lit) at 8 pm (and lost by 2 runs).

I left my apartment a total of about 3 times Sunday, but just to walk the dog. He's been shitting a lot lately. Hope he's okay.
Cowboys won again and I'm on a 3 game win streak in my fantasy league. If I keep this up I may even make the playoffs.

In other news, the job search is officially on. I am actively pursuing other career opportunities. One such possibility exists in California, which would be a big move. Farther away from home than I've ever lived. But it's Cali. That whole OC and Laguna Beach thing kind of appeals to me. I'm sure life over there is exactly like they portray it on those shows. Isn't it?

With mustard and relish

2005-11-18T14:14:00.000-06:00

Bad news at work. Still no news from the other company. It's 2 and I've done all I can do for the day/week. I'm catching up on blogs and sending emails to my mom. I'm housesitting for them over Thanksgiving break. Party up in here. I mean there. whatever
It's getting colder and I don't like it. Not one bit.
I'm playing softball tomorrow and watching the game Sunday. That's the only plans I've made so far.
Except chili dogs. I made a pot of chili last night and decided hot dogs was a good idea for tonight. Yeah, that's how pathetic my life has become. I'm excited about chili dogs.

How Bout them Cowboys!!!!!

2005-11-15T08:06:00.000-06:00

Awesome comeback last night. Don't ever... ever ever ever count these Cowboys out. They showed some heart last night. Roy Williams is THE MAN.

I feel fine now. The whole food poisoning thing has passed. Think I'm going to be a semi-vegetarian for a while. Just the thought of steak makes me gag.

Still no word from the other opportunity. I'm thinking I didn't get the job. I'm disappointed but that's how these things go.
On the bright side, I've been talking to the NewGuy and he said there are much more lucrative opportunities in this field that are available for someone willing to travel and live in hotels. I love travel and living in hotels is fun. Maybe I'll pursue that in the future.
Gotta run.
GO COWBOYS!!!! I'll be at the Detroit game sitting on the first row behind the right goal post.

So why don't you kill me?

2005-11-13T11:58:00.000-06:00

Friday night I went to the horsetrack and lost. That set the tone for the entire weekend.

Saturday night I went to a poker tournament at my friend's house. I lost again.

Let me back up though. Before leaving for the poker game I cooked two of those bacon wrapped beef filets in the oven. Being in a hurry to get out the door I didn't let them cook long enough. Big mistake.

After the poker game I felt a little rumble in my tummy. Which grew stronger. And stronger. By the time I got home I was racing upstairs.
Food poisoning is a mother fucker.
It's now noon on Sunday and I can finally keep some Gatorade and Pedialyte down. But my arms feel really weak and I ache all over.
This sucks.
Hope your weekend was better.

Guess I should update this thing

2005-11-08T08:14:00.000-06:00

I killed a deer this weekend. It was an ugly kill. Gut shot from about 250 yards away. Stupid. I should've waited. Had to finish him off up close. I hate doing it that way but he was suffering. It was a nice little 8 point.
My cousin killed his first two deer this weekend. He was really excited.
I suck donkey balls at fantasy football.
I played softball last night for the first time in about 2 weeks. We won and I felt good but am sore this morning.
Still haven't heard anything about the new opportunity back home.

If I had a million dollars you know what I'd do, man?

2005-11-07T14:02:00.000-06:00

Two chicks at the same time, man.

Priorities?.... check

2005-11-02T13:47:00.000-06:00

So I'm watching the "breakout" (pun completely intended) hit of the season Prisonbreak Monday night when I realized something.
TV show writers must think I'm stupid.
If the Secret Service can intercept a phone conversation, don't you think they could intercept a text message too?
I'm seeing a lot of holes in this show but it's too late to quit watching now. We've come too far.

Also, My Name is Earl and The Office are great. NBC may have found the replacement for Friends and Seinfeld they've been missing since those shows ended.

And Rodney is awesome, but it comes on at the same time as Bones. That chick from Bones is hot. and the show's pretty good too.
You should already know how I feel about House.

Hazy Hacking Homecoming

2005-11-01T12:00:00.000-06:00

The interview was early Thursday morning and I got lost on the way. Luckily I had left way early, so I was still right on time.
It went well. Now I just have to wait. Which sucks. I wanted to know if I got the job right away. I'm impatient.
That night we had the fire, steaks, and beers I had hoped for. The weather was perfect. I stayed up late talking to an old friend and throwing logs on the fire. We got pretty wasted and passed out in my mom's living room.

I spent most of Friday in my stepdad's recliner watching old home movies and doing laundry. Then I went to my real dad's house and ate brisket with the family. We ate birthday cake and ice cream, then I left for Nac.
I got really wasted at my old bar, Headliners, and then went to Shack. I ended up crashing out on my friends couch. Fully clothed with boots, hat, and jacket still on.

Saturday was a blur of hazy recollections. I started off at Chili's where we had about 4 Jagers and a couple of Shiners before 1:00 pm. Then we went to the tailgate party. After that, it's really foggy but I'm pretty sure I went back to Headliners and then to Sport Shack again.
The after party was at the Sig Tau house. I remember there was a really hot fairy running around. Her eyes were beautiful and I'm pretty sure I told her so a couple of times.
Last thing I remember was Taco Bell with Clay-Z. Then I passed out in the dance room.

I woke up Sunday at the Sig Tau house and decided I should haul ass to DFW. Got about 5 miles out of town before realizing that I'd left half my stuff. Turned around and ended up watching the Cowboys play (hitting their stride midseason) while nursing an increasingly horrible headache.
The drive home was one of the worst.
I developed a really nasty cough. Everytime I coughed it made my head hurt worse. I was miserable. I took lots of meds and tried to sleep it off. Key word - tried.

After a night of little sleep, I got up Monday morning and came into the office. Piles of paperwork on my desk. Huge heaping piles.
"Hey, you know we need all this taken care of by noon today right?"
No. Goddamn you all to hell. Why? Fuck.
And on top of that it rained. Hard. No softball.
Yesterday sucked. Leave it at that.
Today isn't much better, but at least I'm not feeling sick anymore. TheraFlu is magic.

I'm too old for this shit (continued...)

2005-10-25T12:34:00.000-05:00

It's still cold down here. We played a doubleheader last night - lost the first, won the second. Running in cold weather SUCKS. It feels like I'm wearing a huge rubberband around my chest.
I went home after the games and watched Prisonbreak on my redneck TiVO (VCR). It was really good.

I'm leaving after work tomorrow (my birthday) to do the interview with the EvilEmpire company. I hope it goes well.
My mom's side of the family is having a get-together for me later that night. I only require 3 things on my birthday.
1. Steaks
2. Beers
3. Fire
If those 3 things are there I'm good. If it rains we can substitute the fire with bowling.

Saturday I'm going back to SFA for homecoming. It should be fun - tailgating, BBQ, Texas Hold 'Em, excessive drinking. You know the routine.

Like Oil and Water...

2005-10-24T14:11:00.000-05:00

Boxers and thermal underwear do not mix.

It's cold down here, people. I hate it.
Why did I move north?

I got a big fuckin' snake, man

2005-10-21T14:04:00.000-05:00

Last dove season I was walking through some trees, minding my own. Juggling a 12 gauge and a 12 ounce when I almost stepped on this big nasty Diamondback. I dropped the beer and raised the gun. Then it was go time.
When the dust had settled, the snake was dead and I was freakin' out.
So I called it a day and got drunk by the fire. Then we skinned the bastard and grilled it with an italian dressing marinade. It was excellent.

A very brave man

2005-10-21T08:05:00.000-05:00

Hung like a horse(fucker)

2005-10-19T15:22:00.000-05:00

This is waaaaaay messed up.
According to the report, "the Seattle man died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon."
So he wasn't pitching, he was catching. I mean, really. Whoa. Have you ever seen a horse's dong? Poor sick depraved bastard. What a way to go. [shudders]

Divine Intervention?

2005-10-19T13:38:00.000-05:00

Apparently, someone upstairs agrees with me. Let's get it done tonight, boys.

GO 'STROS!!!!!

So Proud

2005-10-18T13:51:00.000-05:00

The New Guy is a yankee. Other than that he's pretty cool. We're getting along okay. He sits around and surfs the internet all day like me. We talk sports and TV shows. We crack jokes and make fun of co-workers behind their backs. He's coming along just fine.
I was really impressed when he said, "I'm so bored at work. I started a blog today."
Now I'm on a mission to find it.

CURSE WORDS

2005-10-18T08:46:00.000-05:00

ALBERT PUJOLS IS A BAD MO'FO'. LET'S WALK HIM NEXT TIME. OKAY?

A Clever Title

2005-10-17T10:04:00.000-05:00

I made a trip home this weekend to see the folks and get a first-hand account of the damage. I was prepared to see some pretty awful things. It wasn't as bad as I'd feared.
There are tons of trees down and lots of damaged roofs. The main issue is property damage and the lack of assistance from FEMA and insurace agencies.
Monetary issues, really. Everyone I encountered had plenty to eat and enough bottled water to keep them hydrated for months. The majority of the area has electricity and a lot of schools have even reopened.
I knew everything was going to be alright when I heard they were playing high school football this weekend. To make up for lost time, the kids are playing 5 games in 2 weeks. That's got to be rough.
I ate my first MRE. Peas and pasta. Disgusting but not vomit-enducing.
My grandmother's house is still sans roofing except for a blue tarp that cost them $800 to get installed. 800 bucks to throw a tarp up and tack it down. Price gougers are the lowest form of life on the planet.
I spent the better part of Saturday with a chainsaw in my hand. We cut, hauled, and burned 3 trees at my mom's then watched the USC-Notre Dame game. Great game. Not the end result I wanted but still fun to watch.
Crockett Street (kind of like 6th street for Beaumont) reopened so we went down there Saturday night for my cousin's birthday. It was packed. Guess everyone needed to blow off some steam. I saw some old friends and tried to avoid talk of the hurricane. That was impossible. I crashed at my cousin's house and left in the morning before they were awake.
I met up with my dad's side of the family for dinner and the Cowboys game Sunday afternoon. We won ugly in OT. Then I drove home and did a lot of thinking.
I'm sort of at a crossroads right now. I have an interview scheduled for a great job in Beaumont next week. I'm not unhappy at my current job but I would really like a little more financial freedom.
I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing where I'll be in the next few months. If I get the job I'll definitely take it and move back home. It pays A LOT more than what I make now. If not, I'll stay here and continue schlepping away for my meager wages. But I'll be happy either way.

Fully Clothed and Intoxicated Thursday

2005-10-13T15:33:00.000-05:00

It's not half-nekkid or anything but here are some pics from the wedding we threw together during Hurricane Rita.

Up top you've got the JP, the groom, his cousin, and me. I was obviously distracted. or drunk. and judging from the bottom pic it's the latter. Notice how my left eye closes up when I smile too big? That's how you know when I'm inebriated.

These are my boys. I have attended or will be attending all their weddings sometime in the future. Except the blonde. He'll probably never get married either.

Here I am walking with one of the bridesmaids, a very good friend of mine and the fiancee of the balding member of my crew (far right).

That's my lame-ass attempt at HNT. Have a good one.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

2005-10-10T08:13:00.000-05:00

Friday night I went to the bonfire party in Midlothian. There was no fire, but plenty of food and free beer. I wasn't expecting much from the night. Just a few drinks, a couple games of ping pong, and maybe a shot of tequila or three. When we got there I learned that they were frying a turkey! and they had an electronic dartboard!
That made my night right there, but as a bonus there were also a lot of fine ladies running around the party.
I had lots of beers and several tequilas, then whooped some ass at cut-throat cricket (3 bullseyes in a row).
At the end of the night, FIS gave me a ride and I talked to his GPS system the whole way back to Arlington.
"Kit, take us home."
"Kit, where is the closest IHOP?"
"Kit, how long will it take us to get to Shiner, Texas?"

I awoke Saturday on FIS's couch, where I would spend most of the day. The crew came over and we cooked monster cheeseburgers, drank more beer, and watched Texas kicked the dogshit out of OU. It was pretty brutal.
I hung around later on that night as well. We cooked steaks and watched the Astros beat the Braves to take a 2-1 lead in the series. Then I went home and slept for about 10 hours. It was a good day.

Sunday morning I went to the American Airlines Center with SaltDog. The Mavericks were doing an autograph session from 11-12. We bought some photos, a basketball, and a Mavs flag. I ended up with an autographed Jerry Stackhouse photo, Dirk Nowitzki photo, and got my flag signed by Keith Van Horn and Derrick Armstrong. It was pretty cool to meet the Mavs, even if it was only for a second.
I took a lot of pics and when they get developed, I'll post them.
Then I met George and his new girl at Buffalo Wild Wings in Grapevine.
My Cowboys "manhandled" the Eagles, to use the words of Mr. Bledsoe. Not even a close game. I was stoked.
Meanwhile, the Astros were playing a marathon game with Atlanta that went into the 18th inning. Burke hit the walk-off homer and my team is going to St. Louis to face the Cardinals.
It was a great weekend for me and for Texas teams in general.

Fire it up

2005-10-07T12:57:00.000-05:00

Softball has officially taken over my social life. Teammates have become my main source of social interaction. I've been introduced to a whole culture of softball junkies. They're drawing me in. I've played 9 games in the past week and had to turn down an offer to play more Saturday. My legs and my shoulder need a rest, however brief it may be. I've also got to mend some fences with relationships that've suffered from this most recent addiction.

My mood at work is generally determined now by the previous night's performance on the field.
0/4: stay out of my way. Do not make direct eye contact.
1/4: just leave me alone.
2/4: hey how's it going?
3/4: sure. no problem.
4/4: woo hoo it's great to be alive!

Speaking of ball, the Astros lost to the Braves last night. It was shaping up to be a great pitching duel - Clemens vs. Smoltz. But like Steve said, The Rocket doesn't really get warmed up until the second round or so. Stealing Game 1 in Atlanta gave the boys a good chance to wrap it up at home though, beginning with a crucial Saturday night game at Minute Maid with Oswalt starting.

I'm pretty stoked about this weekend. No softball tournaments, but LOTS of good football to watch and a bonfire.
That's right it's bonfire season again. The temperature outside is about 50 degrees and my 3rd baseman is having a housewarming party tonight. He lives out in the boonies (Midlothian), so we got a keg and some thermal underwear. It's on. I love sitting around a fire on a cold night.

Then I'll get up Saturday and go meet the rest of the crew to watch Texas finally beat OU in the Red River Shootout. The odds makers have Texas favored by 14, but I'm pretty skeptical about that. I'm saying Texas by 7 or less.
Then the Cowboys play the Eagles Sunday evening. Dallas really needs to get back on track. I think the running game has been the focus of opposing defenses this year, so the passing game should be our focus in the first half this week. Score early, score big, then set up the running game to shut down Philly in the second half.
And for crying out loud STOP T.O.!!! If that cocky bluegum showoff steps foot in any blue stars this weekend with a football in his hand... end him.
I think you know how to handle that, 31.

You're puttin' the pussy on a pedestal

2005-10-04T10:50:00.000-05:00

Rita's refugees have returned home. Order has been somewhat restored and electricity is available in much of the Southeast Texas area. Lots of money is being made by entrepeneurial (think that's the way you spell it) spirits with chainsaws, tractors and backhoes. My uncle's house was a total loss. I'm going back soon to check it all out and take pictures. I'll try to post them here.

We played really good softball in the first 3 games of the tournament this Saturday. Then everything went to shit.
Finished in 5th and had fun anyway. Drank lots of beer afterwards and harassed a skunk (Danger is my middle name).

I went to see the 40 Year Old Virgin. Absolutely hilarious film. I laughed until I cried when Steve Carrell got his chest waxed. Even though I knew what was going to happen because it was in all the previews, it was still one of the funniest things I've ever seen. To sacrifice himself for a good laugh like that bumps him WAY up my list of favorite comics. Great movie. Go see it immediately.

Cal: You're *gay* now?
David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now".
David: You're gay for saying that.
Cal: I'm gay for saying that?
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan".
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay?
David: How?
Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says "I love it when *balls* are in my face".
Cal: That's *gay*?

Haziz: Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.

Previews use to be one of my favorite things about going to the theater to see a movie. They use to show a few brief snippets of the film and maybe a catchphrase or two, but still leave enough of the plot unknow to actually peak my interest.
Not so much anymore.
Now they cram basically the entire plot, all the sweet crash scenes, and a few gratuitous half-nekkid shots in a 2 minute trailer. What's the point in seeing the movie if you already know what's going to happen?
Like Titanic. I knew the boat was going to sink the whole time. No big surprise there.

GO ASTROS!!!!!!!!!!!

Can Survive

2005-09-27T15:31:00.000-05:00

The situation down home is not good. No electricity. No water. Hot. Some looting going on.
The interview was cancelled (again), so I'm taking off tonight for the deer camp. My mom, stepdad, and little brother are "roughing it" out there until some sort of order is restored to the area.
By roughing it I mean they are sitting in the AC, watching cable, hunting when it's not too hot out, drinking beer all day, and cooking steaks for almost every meal.
I could use a break. The job is really pissing me off this week.
I'm coming back Friday night to play in a big state softball tournament Saturday and take some good friends (evacuees) to the Stockyards.
Take care.

That Yankee is stealing our words!

2005-09-25T21:37:00.000-05:00

All my people are safe. They "hunkered down" (CNN's new favorite southern phrase) and rode out the storm at my dad's house. He had obtained a generator and 15 gallons of gas before Rita came through. They played PS2 and pumped water out of the pool to flush the toilets.
Others were not so lucky.
I'll know more when I go back this week. There is a shit ton of work to be done.
The roof of my grandmothers house was ripped off. Surprisingly, most of her antique dishes and furniture was unharmed.
Strangely, the Bible she left on her coffee table was opened to a page proclaiming "Christ is Coming".
The electrical pole at my mom's house is gone.
My stepdad's friend lost his house. He lived on the creek so it was kind of expected.
Trees everywhere. Obliteration.
The Dairy Queen, Sonic, and Brookshire Bros. (grocery) in Kountze were all badly damaged. This will greatly affect the economy of my hometown.
I got all of this info second hand from phone calls between my dad, mom, aunt, and grandparents.

The wedding was Friday night. It went off without a hitch. Well, the parts I remember went off without a hitch.
Apparently, sometime after my 10th beer and 3rd Makers Mark there was some drama.
Apparently, I started doing cannonballs onto the airmattresses, which pissed off the bride's uncle.
Apparently, I called the bride's uncle a flamer, which is amazing since he's about twice my size. [But he really is a flamer.]
Apparently, I used the video camera to tape my friend's girl's boobs for a solid minute. Almost saw a nipple.
Apparently, I proclaimed myself to be an honorary member and "the Ambassador of this family."
It's good to have friends.

A week I will never forget

2005-09-23T11:36:00.000-05:00

While she is supposedly losing strength, Rita is aiming directly for the Golden Triangle area (Beaumont, Port Arthur, Orange).
My family is together in the brick home I grew up in. They have boarded up the windows and stocked up on supplies. They are in Kountze, about 20 minutes north of Beaumont.
The house they are in is solid, and the fact that they are all together is comforting.
However, our prayers are still needed.

In more local news, the wedding tonight is on. My friend's fiancee was stuck in traffic on I-45 for over 20 hours! Her and her family finally made it in late last night and she is ready to get married. We've thrown together a ceremony and are looking forward to a kickass Hurricane Party. I'm leaving early to go help.
Peace out and keep the faith.

'Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends,' John 15:13

2005-09-22T09:59:00.000-05:00

Rita has turned eastward and is bearing down on my hometown. Pray for those who stayed behind to weather the storm.

The link below is to an article about my friend TH.
http://www.southeasttexaslive.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=15249784&BRD=2287&PAG=461&dept_id=512588&rfi=6

RITA SUCKS (and blows)

2005-09-21T12:35:00.000-05:00

Mother Nature is fucking up my weekend.
I was suppose to be leaving after work today and going to interview in Beaumont tomorrow afternoon. From there I was planning on playing golf with my best friend (the Groom) and getting retarded at his fancy wedding Saturday night.
But the stupid hurricane is not letting that happen.
Instead I got to stay here and work the rest of the week.
My interview got rescheduled for next Wednesday.
The wedding is going to be Friday night at the Groom's house in Bum Fuck Egypt (east of Denton).
My damn phone won't quit ringing because no one knows what's going on and everyone is scrambling to find a place to stay this weekend. (I'm putting 3 ladies up with me. Big pimpin' for sure.)

On the bright side, I'm taking off 3 days next week to do this interview. That will also free me up to enjoy the Rice Festival in Winnie where Cross Canadian Ragweed, Kevin Fowler, and Wayne Toups will be playing.

TH's killer was released on $450,000 bail Monday. The funeral was Tuesday. The other guy who got shot is doing better.

Rest in Peace

2005-09-18T16:10:00.000-05:00

Growing up in a small Texas town, the little league baseball park was our main source of social connection. TH lived next door to the park. His dad was the LL president. You know the family I'm talking about. Hard-working, middle class father sires a badass ballplaying son. The kid had a bucket full of homerun balls in his room. The kind of kid who made opposing 12 year old batters cry. He pegged me in the ass with a tennis ball during a game of WallBall once. The bruise was there for days.
I played on TH and his father's team several times throughout the course of my LL career. If I was lucky enough to be on his team, we won 1st. It was a no-brainer.
TH was the most amazing baseball player at 12 years old that I or anyone in my small town had ever seen. Homers, no-hitters, 70-mph fastballs. No kidding, this kid was going to be a major leaguer for sure.
At 15 he was invited to play in Amsterdam with some college-age guys in an international tournament. Kid batted about .400, hit a few homers, and threw a few shutouts. 3 years younger than all the other guys. BMF.
It looked like our high school team was going to be awesome.
Until TH got sick. What began as a minor illness quickly worsened to the point of death. Bacterial meningitis is no joke. The story goes that TH died on the helicopter for 3 minutes and came back. But he was not the same.
The cells in his fingertips had died. His Herculian strength was gone. His spirit was still very much alive, however.
After missing all of his sophomore year, TH rehabbed and came back midway through his junior (my sophomore) year. We wrapped a towel around the the handle of his bat and taped over it to cut down on the reverberations and protect his still-tender fingertips.
With his homerun power gone, the guy started slapping singles and doubles around. Eventually getting his average back into the .400's. His fastball had lost a lot of the velocity it once had, but the control was still there.
After his senior year, no colleges were intersted in him. Never the pessimist, TH went to work in the oil fields and gave up the game he loved. He planned on settling down and having a few badass ballplayin' sons of his own. Continue the legacy and all.
We lost touch for a few years. Last I'd heard he bought some land north of town and was engaged to his high school sweetheart, a girl I've known since my first day of kindergarten.

TH was killed yesterday on a dirt road outside of our hometown. He was riding 4-wheelers with his fiancee and cousins. A man with a gun threatened his friends and family for trespassing on his property when riding and a scuffle ensued. TH was shot in the head and another friend was shot in the neck (he is currently in critical condition).
The world lost a very good man yesterday for no good reason at all.

Looking the Gift Horse Directly in the Mouth

2005-09-14T12:55:00.000-05:00

I've got a minute so guess it's time to updat the old blog. Seems I don't have a whole lot of my own original material lately.
SSDD.
Still playing softball. Still working and drinking and walking the dog.
Got a job interview lined up with the Big Evil Corporation next week, then my best friend's wedding.

I know it's really tragic about all the stuff that happened in New Orleans, but I haven't really done anything to help yet. I went through my closet last night and got a shitload of clothes to donate. I'd been planning on dropping them off at one of the billion or so donation center set up here in DFW.
Then I got this email. It's disturbed my sympathetic views on all the hurricane evacuees a bit. Just read it and leave your opinion on it if you want. Sorry I'm too lazy to edit the >>> marks and stuff. Just read it.

This is from a guy here in Houston that went to volunteer his time to >> help>> the hurricane victims. It is pretty sad and disappointing to think people>> could be so ungrateful.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
SO I VOLUNTEERED..........>>>> I thought I might inform the few friends I have on my recent traumatic>> experience. I am going to tell it straight, blunt, raw, and I don't give >> a>> damn. Long read, I know but please do read!!!>>>> I went to volunteer on Saturday at the George R. Brown convention for two>> reasons.>>>> A: I wanted to help people to get a warm fuzzy.>> B: Curiosity.>>>> I've been watching the news lately and have seen scenes that have made me>> want to vomit. And no it wasn't dead bodies, the city under water, or the>> sludge everywhere. It was PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR. The people on T.V. (99% >> being>> Black) were DEMANDING help. They were not asking nicely but demanding as >> if>> society owed these people something. Well the honest truth is WE DON'T. >> Help>> should be asked for in a kind manner and then appreciated. This is not >> what>> the press (FOX in particular) was showing, what I was seeing was a group >> of>> people who are yelling, demanding, looting, killing, raping, and SHOOTING>> back at the demanded help!!!!! So I'm thinking this can't possibly be >> true,>> can it???? So I decide to submit to the DEMAND for help out of SHOCK. I>> couldn't believe this to be true of the majority of the people who are >> the>> weakest of society. So I went to volunteer and help folks out and see the>> truth. So I will tell the following story and you decide:>>>> I arrived at the astrodome only to find out that there are too many>> volunteers and that volunteers were needed at the George R. Brown >> Convention>> Center. As I was walking up to the Convention Center I noticed a line of>> cars that wrapped around blocks filled with donations. These where >> ordinary>> Houstonians coming with truckloads and trunks full of water, diapers,>> clothes, blankets, food, all types of good stuff. And lots of it was NEW. >> I>> felt that warm fuzzy while helping unload these vehicles of these >> wonderful>> human beings. I then went inside the building and noticed approximately>> 100,000 sq. ft. of clothes, shoes, jackets, toys and all types of goodies>> all organized and ready for the people in need. I signed up, received a >> name>> badge and was on my merry way excited to be useful.>>>> I toured the place to get familiar with my surrounding; the entire place >> is>> probably around 2 million sq. ft. I noticed rows as far as the eye can >> see>> of mattresses, not cots, BLOW UP MATTRESSES!!! All of which had nice >> pillows>> and plenty of blankets. 2 to 3 bottles of water lay on every bed. These >> full>> size to queen size beds by the way were comfortable, I laid in one to see>> for myself. I went to look at the medical area. I couldn't believe what >> my>> eyes were seeing!!! A makeshift hospital created in 24 hours!!! It was>> unbelievable, they even had a pharmacy. I also noticed that they created>> showers, which would also have hot water. I went upstairs to the third >> floor>> to find a HUGE cafeteria created in under 24 hours! Rows of tables, >> chairs>> and food everywhere - enough to feed an army! I'm not talking about crap>> food either. They had Jason's Deli food, apples, oranges, coke, diet >> coke,>> lemonade, orange juice, cookies, all types of chips and sandwiches. All >> the>> beverages by the way was put on ice and chilled!!!! In a matter of about >> 24>> hours or less an entire mini-city was erected by volunteers for the poor>> evacuees. This was not your rundown crap shelter, it was BUM HEAVEN.>>>> So that was the layout: great food, comfy beds, clean showers, free >> medical>> help, by the way there was a library, and a theatre room I forgot to>> mention. Great stuff right????>>>> Well here is what happened on my journey ->>>> I started by handing out COLD water bottles to evacuees as they got off >> the>> bus. Many would take them and only 20% or less said thank you. Lots of >> them>> would shake their heads and ask for sodas! So this went on for about >> 20-30>> minutes until I was sick of being an unappreciated servant. I figured>> certainly these folks would appreciate some food!!! So I went upstairs to>> serve these beloved evacuees some GOOD food that I wish I could have at >> the>> moment!>>>> ***The following statements are graphic, truthful, and discuss UNRATIONAL>> behavior***>>>> Evacuees come slowly to receive this mountain of food that is worth >> serving>> to a king! I tell them that we have 2 types of great deli sandwiches to>> choose from - ham and turkey. Many look at the food in disgust and DEMAND>> burgers, pizza, and even McDonalds!!!! Jason's deli is better than>> McDonalds!!!! Only 1 out of ten people who took something would say >> "thank>> you" the rest took items as if it was their God given right to be served>> without a shred of appreciation!!! They would ask for Beer and liquor. >> They>> complained that we didn't have good enough food. They refused food and>> laughed at us. They treated us volunteers as if we where SLAVES. No not >> all>> of them of course.but 70% did!!!!!! 20% where appreciative, 10% took the>> food without any comment and the other 70% had some disgusting comment to>> say. Some had the nerve to laugh at us. And when I snapped back at them >> for>> being mean, they would curse at me!!! Needless to say I was in utter >> shock.>> They would eat their food and leave their mess on the table. some would >> pick>> up their stuff, many would leave it for the volunteers to pick up. I left>> that real quick to go down and help set up some more beds. I saw many >> young>> ladies carrying mattresses and I helped for a while. Then I realized>> something.there where hundreds of able-bodied young men who could help!! >> I>> asked a group of young evacuees in their teens and early twenties to >> help. I>> got cursed at for asking them to help!!! One said "We just lost our >> ****ing>> homes and you want us to WORK!!" The next said "Ya Cracker, you got a >> home,>> we don't" I looked at them in disbelief. Here are women walking by >> carrying>> THEIR ****ING BEDS and they can't lift a finger and help themselves!!>>>> WHY THE **** SHOULD I HELP PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO HELP THEMESELVES!!!!>>>> I waved them off and turned away and was laughed at, and more "white boy>> jokes" where made at me. I felt no need to waste my breath on a bunch of>> pitiful losers. I went to a nearby restroom where I noticed a man >> shaving. I>> used the restroom, washed my hands and saw this man throw his razor >> towards>> the trash can...he missed. he walked out leaving his disgusting razor on >> the>> floor for some other "cracker" to pick up. Even the little kids where>> demanding. I saw only ONE white family and only TWO Hispanic families. >> The>> rest where blacks.sorry, 20% to 30% decent blacks. and 70% LOSERS!!!!!>>>> I would call them ******S, but the actual definition of a ****** is one >> who>> is ignorant, these people were not ignorant..they where ARROGANT >> *******S.>> The majority of which are thugs and lifetime lazy mule welfare >> recipients.>> We are inviting the lowest of the low to Houston. And like idiots, we are>> serving the people who will soon steal our cars, rape, murder, and >> destroy>> our city while stealing from our pockets on a daily basis through the>> welfare checks they take. We will fund our own destruction.>>>> By "US" I don't mean a specific race, I mean the people who work hard, >> work>> smart, have values and morals. Only people who want to help themselves>> should be helped, the others should be allowed to destroy themselves. I >> do>> not want to work hard, give the government close to half the money I earn >> so>> they can in turn give it to a bunch of losers.>>>> I don't believe in being poor for life. My family immigrated here, we >> came>> here poor, and now thank God, and due to HARD WORK we are doing fine. If>> immigrants who come here, don't know the language can work and become>> successful... WHY THE **** CAN'T THE MAJORITY OF THE HOMEGROWN DO IT!!! >> If>> we continue to reward these losers then we will soon destroy our great>> country. I just witnessed selfish, arrogant, unappreciative behavior by >> the>> very people who need help the most. Now these same people who cursed me,>> refused my city's generosity, who refuse to help themselves are DEMANDING>> handouts on their own terms!!!!!!! They prance around as if they are owed>> something, and when they do receive a handout, they say it's not good>> enough! Well you know what..these types of people can go to hell for all >> I>> care!

Okay, really long - I know. And like I said before, this is just one person's experience with the evacuees. IT IS NOT MY OPINION. I just offer it up to you as blog fodder.
But it does make you think that maybe some of them are milking this thing for all it's worth, right?

A Good One

2005-09-12T12:37:00.000-05:00

A man was sitting in a cafeteria next to a blonde woman who was engrossed in her newspaper.
The bold headline read "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed".
She shook her head at the sad news.
Then she turned to the man and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

She stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her

2005-09-09T09:21:00.000-05:00

I'm going to the Jack Ingram concert tonight at BillyBob's. One of my old roommates from college, Catbone, is coming up with his wife. He's from my hometown and we've been hanging out together a long time.
The house that we lived in at SFA was the absolute worst place I have ever called home, The Green House.
It was an old dentist's office that had been converted into a 4-bedroom rent house. Rent for the entire place was $150 a month. It was puke green and falling apart.
It sat on about 3 acres of land which included an old rundown barn. Inside the barn was a sweet 1950's model pickup (Chevy, I think).
The appliances were all antiques but still in working order. There was a drinking fountain in the kitchen and gold shag carpet throughout the house.
The one bathroom had a hole in the floor next to the bathtub. No shower, just a tub. I loathe taking baths, by the way.
There was a possum who lived under the house. He would crawl through the hole at night and get into our garbage. That is, until he got capped in the ass.
The heater didn't work and the AC barely made a difference. We used lots of fans in the summer and propane heaters in the winter.
The greatest thing about The Green House was the hammock out front. It was suspended between a post on the porch and an old juniper tree. I'd sit outside on that hammock drinking Natural Light and watch the cars go by until sundown. Sometimes Catbone would break out his geetar and strum a few chords. We'd make up stupid songs or change the words to songs he knew.
We threw many a party at that old house. Being out in the middle of the country has it's advantages in that you can get away with pretty much anything.
There were many nights I'd pass out only to be awakened by Jim, Big A, or the Strat (more Kountze boys who lived there) firing off rounds with the shotgun.
After we all moved out, the place when to shit. Last time I stopped by some punks had gone through and broken all the windows and punched holes in the walls. I miss that old house sometimes.

Damn it feels good to see people doin' it

2005-09-07T09:21:00.000-05:00

I took off work yesterday and there's a big heaping pile of crap to do, so this will be it for a minute.

The first bachelor party on Friday was awesome. Hummer limo was tight. Got my drink on and looked at titties all night. About half the bachelor party was fraternity brothers and the other half military guys. 3 of the grunts puked in the limo and all but one of them passed out on the way home. We're troopers, man. Fuckin' pussy asses can't hang.

Saturday I took the Saturn in for a routine replacement of the brake pads. My brakes had been squealing like litte piggies for about a week. I thought it would cost no more than 100 bucks. Wrong, Darrel.
It was 500 motherfuckin' dollars. I'm pretty sure I got raped, but had no other choice. The wheel cylinder was leaking and the calipers were shot. I had places to be and stopping the car is kind of an important part of driving, ya know.

So then the second bachelor party started. It was the more important one because it's my best friend who's getting married. We rented a big old party bus for this one. It wasn't as pimped out as a limo but just as fun. The driver was a Russian man who barely spoke the language. Drove like a bat out of hell too. We did Silver City VIP and then hit a few other ta-ta bars up. Memory gets hazy around 1 a.m. I ended up watching Sportscenter with the groom at 5 a.m. and passing a little piece of glass back and forth. Old habits and shit.

Sunday I woke up and hauled my ass to the ranch. The doves were flying in the evening and I intended to get me some. I knocked down 6 but only found 4. We need a good bird dog. A bird girl would be even better though. Then it was cold beer and pizza with some good friends and family. Good times indeed.

I decided to head home Monday morning and cut the hunt short. Everyone else was leaving and there were some pressing issues on the homefront to deal with. So I came back and took care of my business. Nuff said bout that.

I cleaned the apartment Tuesday and cooked a brisket. Lounged around watching TV and playing Tiger. Then I played a little softball with a friend of a friend and went to visit my cousin. She's butch and has lost about 50 pounds this year. All her old clothes fit me so she gave 'em up. I got tons of hand-me-downs.
I also got a letter from the Big Evil Corporation yesterday. They want me to come down for an interview. This could be big. Moving back home would be okay with me right now. Save some money and get out of debt.

I gotta get busy. Later.

Charge it to the game

2005-09-02T13:39:00.000-05:00

Check the itinerary for this extended Labor Day Weekend:
Friday
Bachelor party #1 for fraternity brother that I haven't seen in over a year. Hummer limo. Titty bars and cold beers. I was a last second replacement.
Saturday
Spend the morning recovering from Friday night and pack for the dove hunt. Head to best friend's house around 3 for bachelor party #2. Hard buzz by 5. Get on the bus to Bonedaddy's, then the Lodge. VIP room 9-1. Try not to blow my wad (take that however you want).
Sunday
Spend arm and leg on a tank of gas. Drive 3 hours to the ranch. Hunt doves and drink cold beers with family members and friends. Cook and eat dove wraps. Possibly make a trip to the Owl's Roost to dance with the local girls and hustle some pool.
Monday
Hunt all day. Drink beer all day. Sweat all day. Fish at night.
Tuesday
Hunt in the morning and drive home in the afternoon. Recover and regroup. Get ready for super short work week (3 days).

We'll see if it really works out that way. Have a good one, yall.

Bells will be ringing

2005-08-31T14:34:00.000-05:00

My best friend is getting married next month. The first time I met him we were on the playground in kindergarten. I was putting the mack on his cousin at the time and he didn't like it. We got into a fight that day. Since then we've been through more experiences and gotten into more trouble together than anyone should ever know about.
We both went to SFA after high school. I graduated first and moved up here to DFW. He has since moved up this way as well.
His bachelor party will be this Saturday. I can't believe he's actually getting married.
When I tell people from our hometown that he's about to tie the knot they think I'm joking. To say he was a womanizer in the past would be an understatement. His favorite pickup line was, "Hey you wanna get high?"
He has since changed his ways and it's all his fiancee's fault. She's awesome.
I couldn't be happier for the guy. He's got a great life ahead of him.
I'm going to make a toast at his wedding, drink like a fish and dance like a fool.

A place where even squares can have a ball

2005-08-29T10:08:00.000-05:00

If you ever get a chance to visit Oklahoma, don't. Just do something else. Oklahoma is unremarkable to say the least. I was not impressed. at all. The beer there is like water. 3.2% alcohol. I probably had about eight...teen of them and wasn't even feeling it. That's when I switched to the Kentucky Deluxe.

We didn't do well in the tournament. Went 3-4 (7 games!) and lost all of our games by 3 runs or less. Generally, the hits were few and far between. Although we did finally get crunked up in the last game, scoring 22 runs. More than we'd scored the entire day.
In between games we drank whiskey and beer while listening to Dwight Yoakum and April Wine. It was a good time despite all of the losing.
Although my arm is pretty much dead, the rest of my body is not as sore as I imagined it would be.

I have decided that all of this softball is going to have an impact on my outward appearance. Therefore, I'm now growing a full-on goatee.
Soon I'll either begin cultivating a mullett or shaving my head.
Then I'll get a pair of baseball pants (breaking a vow I made after my senior year of high school baseball to never wear those again).
Eventually I will muster up the courage to get a barbed wire tattoo on one arm and a Tazmanian Devil tat on the other (or possibly one of those cool tribal ones, maybe even a Chinese symbol).
I'll carry around a ginormous wheeled softball bag filled with dozens of bats and hundreds of various weighted balls.
I'll talk extensively of the differences between ASA and USSSA (U-trip) leagues.
I'll begin taking steroids to bulk up (show off those killer tats) and wear sleeveless shirts (maybe even a shimmel shirt once in a while).
I'll play in beginner leagues during the week to show off and build my confidence, then play state tournaments in odd places (like Oklahoma City) on the weekends.
I'll drop my whole paycheck on the newest Miken bat just to be the first guy swinging it.
Then I will truly become the true definition of the redneck softball junky.
I am well on my way.

Boomer or bust

2005-08-25T10:33:00.000-05:00

I must be a sucker for punishment. I've agreed to play in an all-day softball tournament this saturday.
In Oklahoma, no less. Home of the Fat Girl. Where the men are men and the sheep are scared.
I've never been to Oklahoma. Apparently there's just not much up there to do. Except play softball I guess.
Speaking of which, we won our game last night. But it was a fugly win. A nasty dropped flyball, hit-your-damn-cutoff-man, the other team just sucked worse win. A W is a W, I guess.

Other than softball I really don't have much else going on right now. Been organizing my best friend's bachelor party, which is next weekend. Trying (unsuccessfully) to save money for that. Should be fun.

Work sucks. The morning meetings have been moved to 9 a.m., which is good. But now we're having them every day and they last almost an hour. I want to shoot myself about 10 minutes into it. How some of these people got to the positions they're in boggles the mind.

That's enough meaningless ramble for now. Have a good day. No HNT for me. The new phone doesn't like to share. It's greedy but I still like it.
Peace in the muthafuckin' middle east.

I'm too old for this shit

2005-08-23T09:19:00.000-05:00

Friday night I went to Sneaky Pete's with LukeDuke and his friend, the Dude. We had some Jager bombs and watched a kickass band. Then we went back to the Dude's trailer park and talked to some high school kids. LukeDuke broke out the guee-tar and we drunkenly sang along to "Curtis Lowe", "Willin", and "Country Boy Can Survive". Good times. I passed out on the couch and spooned with some cats.

We woke up Saturday morning and played golf at a par-3 9-hole course near Lake Lewisville. It was cheap and easy. Just how I like them.
Saturday night I went to one of the best concerts ever with the Belldoorlover. Jimmy Eat World opened for them and I was really excited about seeing them, but was very disappointed in their performance. It was kind of shitty and lasted only about 30 minutes.
Green Day on the other hand, they rocked like none other. The show was intense and they really got the crowd involved. Even if it did feel like a Nazi rally at times.
The best part was when they pulled these kids up on stage to play for them. It was awesome. First they found a drummer in the audience, then a bass player, and finally a guitar player. Three random people from the pit got to play in front of thousands while Billy Joe sang.
That's some cool shit right there.

Sunday I played in a co-ed softball tournament with my cousin. She's on a good team and they needed an extra guy. It was a small 3-team tournament and we ended up killing both of the other teams. We walked away with the championship and some shirts.
The games were at 12, 2, and 4. The temperature for each game was about 100, 105, and 110. Seriously, I think I lost about 5 pounds just standing in the heat alone. Nevermind all the running.

Monday night we had a tripleheader with games at 6, 7, and 8. After playing all day Sunday I was pretty sore. By the middle of our first game I thought my arm would fall off and my right calf started tightening up. But I played through it. I'm a gamer.
We won the first two games and lost the last one on a close play. It seemed like we were just out of gas.

Today I'm hobbling around like an old man. My arm hurts. My right calf is not functioning properly at all. My ass hurts. My neck pops every time I move it. And for some strange reason the 4th toe on my right foot has curled up under my 3rd toe, making it painful to walk on the outside of my foot.
I just want to sit in a hot tub and get a good massage. Anybody up for it?

When the Skittles start hitting you on the head, RUN!

2005-08-18T12:39:00.000-05:00

Sorry guys, can't do HNT this week. The new phone isn't cooperating in that department. Other than that, I love it.

Deep breath. This is a long one...

So the immovable object/irresistible force thing is out the window. We lost (were robbed of) our first game last night against the same team we schelacked last week. The umps did a shitty job and we played like left-handed little girls on roller skates.
I blame it on the 2 new guys we picked up. They are a fat father and son duo. Pitcher and rightfielder. They're throwing our chemistry off. But they paid their money, so we gotta let 'em play.
And if Monday and Wednesday games weren't enough, now I've gone and committed to playing co-ed on Sundays with my cousin. We start this Sunday with a doubleheader. Then I have a tripleheader Monday.
Great. Break out the IcyHot.

After the games me, Teer, and Saltdog went to a pool hall/sports bar we hadn't been to yet. It was a very cool place. However, the service was ATROCIOUS. It took us 45 minutes to get our second beers. Forty. Five. Minutes.
It was all the stupid bartender's fault. She was about 50 and acted like a maniac. She actually told one of the waitresses, "I need you guys to go on break. I have to do some dishes and this shit is killin' me."
She said this while about 8 people were standing around waiting for drinks.
I was a bartender in BoozeCapital, USA for a good year. Haven't been behind a bar (legally) in a solid 2 years. I could've worked circles around this old lady last night.
So I casually ask the waitress if they were hiring, because I could always use some extra cash.
"Nope. Owner only hires girls."
WHAAAA? Garbage you say?
Don't get me wrong. I've known and worked with many excellent female bartenders. Hell, I even see what the guy is up to. Get good-lookin' girl to work the bar and cocktail, bring in the dudes. But no freakin' wonder the place was so fucked up. It was like two monkey fuckin' a football in there.
Did I mention that our waitress had a SLAYER tatoo on her right arm. Slayer. The hardcore deathmetal whatever band. Classy girls in that place, let me tell ya.
And the Owner was shitfaced. He almost beat the crap out of some regular who complained about his tab. Seriously had to be restrained by the Bouncer.
Enter the Bouncer - all 450 pounds of him. He'd check IDs a little, then get up on stage and karaoke to Al Green or something. Did a pretty decent job too. I liked him immediately.

So we finally get a pitcher from the waitress because single beers take WAAAY too long. We'd already played pool and foosball. Next was darts.
As we're moving towards the dartboard, the Gayest Man Ever jumps out onto the dance floor and starts doing cheerleader moves. Serious cheerleader moves. Toe-touches and rah-rahs and shit.
Then he comes over and starts talking to me. I hate this. I hate being tolerant. Why me?
He starts telling me about how he coaches cheer at Such-and-such High School and all I'm doing is covering my cornhole and avoiding eye contact.
Then I was saved by the funniest little skunk-striped hair having girl in the place, Gin. She's a bartender and interrupted by saying, "Maintain."
Just that. Maintain. That's all she said and the little flamer went away.
I was awestruck. Is this some secret homo password I don't know. Like the way attack dogs are trained to heel when you say "Gugenheimer", the unwanted sexual advances of gay men can be halted by saying, "Maintain"?
No, it wasn't that. She knows the guy cause he's a regular and their little pet. But when he starts scaring off the straights she has to tell him to maintain his composure.
I was amazed and thankful to no end.
That's when she said the funniest thing I'd heard in a long time (title of post), "When the skittles start hitting you on the head, RUN!!". (Ya know, like in the commercials - Taste the Rainbow)
I laughed and laughed.

We're going back next week.

Highs and Lows - Gutters and Strikes

2005-08-17T14:26:00.000-05:00

Very quickly because I'm swamped here, this is the weekend story.

Thursday afternoon I left work around 2:15 p.m. (15 minutes after my boss left) and drove down to Beaumont for the Jason Boland concert. The concert was the definition of awesomeness.
I'm worried about Jason, though. He's too skinny. Probably the drugs.
Anyway, I ended up getting surrounded by a bunch of Brooke's (my ex-girlfriend/still-good-friend) co-workers and challenging them all to a fight. I'd had a few too many Jagers and they were pushing up on her a little too much for my liking.
So with a head full of booze and directions to the main assholes house, I set off at 2 a.m. to kick the shit out of him.
Note: This is totally out of character for me to behave this way. I got a little out of hand with the booze and I absolutely cannot stand for someone to put their finger in my face.
After banging on his door for a good 15 minutes, I left. The neighbors were on the porch.
Passed out on Brooke's couch and woke at 8 a.m. to her apologizing for her behavior. She was pretty trashed too and kind of instigated the whole confrontation. Drama queen.

Friday I played golf with an old friend on his birthday and visited with my mom and little brother. Friday night I went to see my dad play the guitar at a coffee house.
Left that night for Galveston at around 11 p.m. Arrived around 1 a.m.
Met the old crew from high school at a little Irish bar on the Strand and got obliterated in about an hour. Then we walked up and down the beach drinking Jager and telling old stories until the wee hours.
Actually strolled up to the front desk of the nicest hotel on the island in flip flops, shorts, and a tank top, rolling a cooler full of High Life through the lobby and demanded a room. Got it.

Saturday we were treated to a dinner by the father of my old friend The Bronald (named so because he has hair like Trump). Then it was back to the hotel for beers by the pool.
That lasted about 30 minutes. They kicked us out for sneaking our cooler into the pool area.
Did I tell you this place was ritzy? It was like the Clampetts Go to Galveston.
So we decide the best place for white trash like us is the beach. And that's where we spent the day sailing, drinking, joking, remembering old times, and hitting golf balls into the ocean.
I also got shit on by a seagull. Second time in 6 months a bird has shit on me. What are the odds?
At this point I would have a great pic to show you guys but you already know about the phone and it's sudden untimely death.
Afterwards it was off to shower and get ready for another night on the town.
We hit a few bars and drank way too much.
Ended up back at the hotel pool where I met a beautiful young lady from Humble. She was gorgeous. We danced in the pool and made out like junior high kids in the hot tub. I got her number and promised to call her soon.
Then my cell phone died.
She's gone forever.
I don't even remember her name now.

I love Galveston.

Damn you Tommy Tutone!!!

2005-08-16T08:25:00.000-05:00

It's official. The cell phone has passed away and taken my phone book with it.
Services will be held tonight at an as yet undetermined sports bar in the Dallas/Addison/Plano area.

I went to the Sprint Store after work to see if the phone could be salvaged. No such luck.
So then I broke out The Beast. The big black 4 pounder with humongous buttons and a dangly wrist strap.
The Sprint guys almost shit themselves. But they hooked it up and it worked. Kind of.
The battery wouldn't stay on for more than 5 minutes, but it let me return a few calls and clear up a few things.
Then I got fed up with it and decided to purchase another phone at a smaller phone store down the road.
Best idea I ever had.
They originally sold me a practically new camera phone that was pretty sweet for a very reasonable price. But when I tried to activate it, the numbers weren't recognized by Sprint.
So they let me have an even better, video camera phone for the same price!
Suckers.

So feel free to email your number to me. Otherwise I've got no way to get at you.

Hold yer horses

2005-08-15T16:04:00.000-05:00

I'm going to post about the KICKASS weekend I had, but not until later. I need to post some pics off my camera phone and have a few cold beers to tell the story in the right state of mind.
The phone is at the Sprint place getting "looked at" by a "technician".
I fear it is dead and I won't have the pics. I already wrote the eulogy for it below, but I'm clinging to a faint glimmer of hope that it can be salvaged.
If not, I've got a ginormous backup phone that my aunt left behind. It seriously weighs about 2 pounds and is roughly 4 times the size of my old one.

Here lies Darrel's cell phone

2005-08-15T08:47:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. Silver Samsung Camera Phone
2003 - 2005
You were a good friend and trustworthy companion.
May your memory live on, so that I will not have to obtain the 3,000,000 phone numbers hidden in your remarkable little brain.
You will be missed.

(I'm probably over-reacting. The guy at the Sprint Store said it might just need a new battery or something. I still hate Sprint, though)

If you smellllllllll what the OB is cookin'

2005-08-11T13:28:00.000-05:00

HNT is in the heezee for sheezee my neezee.

The Wednesday night softball team just might be that immovable object, that irresistible force, I was talking about earlier in the week. We wrecked shop on those fools last night. I got 3 hits, drank a full 16 oz. beer, and smoke half a cigarette (don't know why, it just seemed like the thing to do) in the top half of the 2nd inning of our first game. We scored 16 runs before we had an out.

And it's not like the other team was that bad. We just hit the ball like it was a red-headed stepchild. It felt good to win big again. 24-5 and 22-14.

Anyway, I'm out of here today. Taking a day off from work and going to Beaumont tonight to see JASON BOLAND AND THE STRAGGLERS!! if I can still get tickets.

Have fun. be safe. don't work too hard. suckers.

Welcome to Shitty Wok. Would you like to try our Shitty Shrimp?

2005-08-10T15:52:00.000-05:00

Seriously, this is the rundown of a conversation I had with HNG the other day. I wasn't going to post about it but recent behavior on her part has warranted the validation of her idiocy.

Me: So, how long were you and your Baby'sDaddy together?
HNG: Not long. It's kind of weird but she wasn't really an "accident".
Me: .... (eyebrow cocked to one side. head turned on shoulder) Whaaaa?
HNG: Well, I've always wanted an Asian baby and BabyDaddy is Vietnamese...
Me: (thinking - how far is it to that door?) Hmmmmmmm.
HNG: I just wanted to have a kid before I get too old, ya know? that and I'm really fertile.
Me: (standing up and stretching, inching towards the door) I think I hear the dog barking. Better go. Later.

Crazy and whore-ish as the HNG may be, she's still pretty damn hot. I need to get out more. I guess the only reason I even considered hooking up with her is because it would be so convenient.
What do you guys think?

Would you like brown gravy or white on that?

2005-08-10T11:26:00.000-05:00

Today is a special day for me. It's Wednesday, meaning the work week is halfway over.
But that's not why today is special. No.
Today is $1.99 CHICKEN FRIED STEAK DAY at KFC!!!
(Yeah, this gets me excited. Turns me on even.)
A decent little chicken fried steak, two sides, and a biscuit for under 2 bucks.
Can't beat it with a stick.

Playing a doubleheader tonight. Must keep the undefeated streak alive.
Must. not. drink. before. the. game. (too much)

And here's a pic of my dog, just because he rocks.

Peace out.

The devil is dead. Long live the devil.

2005-08-09T08:06:00.000-05:00

The unthinkable has happened. The irresistible force has been resisted. The immovable object has been moved.
The 11 game win streak for the Monday night softball team has come to an end. In gut-wrenching fashion too.
With 2 outs and a man on third, the opposing team needed only one run to win the game. A one-hopper to our left fielder (FIS) should have easily scored the wining run, but these jackasses were being all nonchalant and shit. So FIS fires the ball home and has the guy out by a mile.
And the damn catcher dropped the ball! Would've ended the inning and given us another chance to come back.
Oh well, these things happen.
You can't win 'em all I guess.
Doesn't bother me at all. no really I'm not mad. really. I'll get over it.
We've still got an undefeated team on Wednesday nights.

Also, FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!
I know it's only preseason, but damn it's good to see the game I love being played again.
It's the most wonderful time of the year....

And now, boys and girls, it's story time:
The Horse, the Harley, and the Chicken
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!>
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.>
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, BestPals.>
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mudpit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken gota good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, there's a moral!) "When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!"

Insert appropriate title

2005-08-08T09:25:00.000-05:00

So I didn't make the 5 hour drive home this weekend. I felt like shit Friday after lunch (see previous post) and decided it would probably be a bad idea to get behind the wheel with a head full of misery and very little sleep. It was also raining.
Plus I needed to come into work Saturday morning and get a few things done that I'd neglected.
So that's what I did. Slept about 12 hours Friday night and worked (a little) Saturday. I also got a lot of the new Palahniuk book read. It's good. Not great, but still good.

Saw this truck in my parking lot. It is all I ever wanted. I will have one. Toyota Tacoma X-Runner. So clean.

I also cleared a few things up with the HNG (hot neighbor girl). There will be no relationship there. After picking her brain for a few hours I realized that she's scandalous, shady, fickle, and slutty. She also doesn't have a single girl friend. Not one. Odd. why not? I thought girls stick together and stuff. Because she's scandalous and backstabbing? probably.
And she's got a 2-year-old daughter. But that's not really a problem. I like kids.
Anyway, I'm over it. No really it doesn't bother me at all.

So yesterday I went to the pool with Jose, Candace, and their friend Dumbass. We set up the volleyball net, got some floats in the pool, ran an extension cord out, set up the TV (big NASCAR race), and fired up the grill.

About 4 High Lifes and 2 games of dominoes into the party the bottom fell out of the sky and drenched us. We salvaged the TV and made our way to the covered walkway.
We spent the rest of the afternoon cooking on the porch and drinking beer. I turned in about 6 and passed out on the couch.
Got a call from an old friend around 8 and stayed up late playing Literati.
Now I'm back at work again.

Sorry I haven't been posting much, but I think I'll do more this week as I have much on my mind and I'd like some feedback about it. 'Til then.

These things come in threes

2005-08-05T13:57:00.000-05:00

As if this week hadn't been shitty enough, I find out this morning that one of my old high school buddy's dad died yesterday. Sudden heart attack.
Also, LukeDuke's cousin (who I dated briefly in junior high) died last night and was brought back with the paddles. She's in ICU and not doing well. Had a pre-existing heart condition.
No update on Alan's condition.

And now... a 5 hour drive on 4 hours sleep. Shoot me in the face.

Don't call it a comeback

2005-08-04T13:15:00.000-05:00

I been here for years.

The camera phone takes pics of me and I'm putting them up on HNT for all to see.

I can't rap.

Alan is doing much better, but the doctor says he'll have amnesia when he wakes up. So everyone is getting pictures together and sending them to his hospital room. Hopefully that will help recover some of the memories. At least it'll be a reminder of who he is and that we care about him. Thanks for the prayers.

If You're Gonna Be Dumb You Gotta Be Tough

2005-08-03T10:23:00.000-05:00

To start out on a very serious note, one of my fraternity brothers was in a bad car wreck this weekend. He was put in a coma to help the healing process and all signs indicate he'll pull through, but things are going to be very tough for him and his new family. He got married last year and just recently had a son.
Please say a prayer for Alan Ford and his family.

In other news, we won our first game Monday night but really didn't play as well as we should. It was a close game. We start the Wednesday night league tonight.

Last night LukeDuke got up at Fox & Hound and played the guitar. He just walked up and asked the house band if they minded him playing a few songs during their break. They agreed.
It was his first public performance in front of complete strangers. He was awesome.
First he played Margaritaville. And that got a great response from the crowd. Who doesn't like to sing along to Margaritaville?
Then he played Changes (I think that's the name) by Lynyrd Skynyrd. It's a great song, but kind of slow and preachy. Didn't get the same response, but still sounded really good.
I was that guy in the back whoopin' and hollerin'.
"You're my boy, LukeDuke!!!"

Also, the HNG is scandalous and shady. I don't think I want to hook up with her.

and one last thing... the Belldoorlover already knows this, but guys in pink shirts make me laugh. I will make fun of you. To your face if I must.

For the fans

2005-08-01T11:45:00.000-05:00

We're starting a new Monday night softball league tonight. If you'll remember, we went 9-0 in the last league. This time they've put us in a bracket with some much tougher competition.

The Wednesday night league also went undefeated (10-0) last season and will begin a new season in two days. We will also be placed into a tougher bracket.

That is all.

Who knew?

2005-07-31T21:46:00.000-05:00

I did. That's who.
The Astros are for real.
That's right. Even though they lost today, they're still in first place for the wild card.
22-7 in the month of July, bitches!!! Don't doubt the Lone Star state.
And don't think they won't give St. Louis a run for their money in the division as well.

Since the Spurs walked away with the NBA title, the .45's and Rangers are both in the playoff hunt, and the Cowboys are gonna wreck shop this season I gotta pose this highly possible scenario.
Spurs - 2005 NBA Champs
Astros (or Rangers) - 2005 World Series Champs
Cowboys - 2006 Super Bowl Champs
It'd be the best year ever. ever. I'd be able to die a happy man.

Also, I can't even watch Andy Milonakis anymore. Now that I know he's not 12, I think his show blows big green donkey dicks.

Around the way girl

2005-07-29T11:12:00.000-05:00

Went down to the Library (it's a cleverly named bar) last night and met up with the Hot Neighbor Girl and her friends.
$1 domestic bottles and $1.50 imports, which means I had about 8....teen Shiners and a couple Jagers. I was feelin' it. Still am.
Ended up at IHOP around 2:30 in the a.m.
Finally made it to bed around 3:30.
HNG woke me up about 4. Her friend wrecked his truck. Well, it's not his truck. It's a rental. Anyway, they needed a pair of pliers. Why they needed pliers, I do not know. I gave them to her and asked if she would return with them sans clothing and inhibitions.
She didn't come back, but I'm pretty sure she gave my proposition a good long thought.
We're all getting together again Saturday for a repeat of last weekends poolside barbecue and beers.
This could be a very interesting weekend.

Damn! That girl fine.

2005-07-28T09:32:00.000-05:00

Now, I'm no Hot Librarian or anything. But I got some skills with the MS Paint.
Here's a new HNT submission for you.
Not really sure who this girl is, but she's definitely got it going on.

The pretty blue eyes. Those red lips. The good hair. Damn.

And that Texas bikini. WOW.

Girl of my dreams.

In other news, we got our T-shirts and a plaque for winning the Wednesday night softball league (undefeated as well). Then I went to the Big Apple Cafe to celebrate. They got some kickass pizza at that place.

Total runs scored on Wednesdays: by us - 168, by our opponents - 69.

Who wears short shorts?

2005-07-26T09:13:00.000-05:00

I spent the entire weekend, except for a few hours when I played golf, beside the pool with a cooler full of beer and some chicken cooking on the grill. It was awesome.
The neighbor girl who lives behind me (call her Lexus) is sexy as hell. Jose's female friend from work is sexy as well.

With that being said, I can now tell you that the Monday night softball league is officially over and we went undefeated. It's a great feeling. Now they're going to put us in a tougher bracket, where we belong. The Wednesday night league will finish up this week as well. That team is also undefeated (so far).

Work sucks.
My boss sucks.
Sprint sucks. (will there be an HNT submission this week? we'll see)

The power went out at my apartment complex last night. Just when I was about to turn the vacuum cleaner on. I was in the middle of some serious cleaning. Don't know what got into me. The place is actually halfway decent now. Smells better anyway.
With no lights, the neighbors and I decided it would be best to drink scotch and play cards by candlelight. Just when we'd gotten into a good game of 31, the power kicked back on.
We finished the game and stayed up until 1 shooting the shit anyway.
I think my neighbor down below was pretty pissed when I turned the vacuum on at 1:30 this morning. He'll get over it.
That's it. Back to the grind.